Climbing Out ofthe Lard Pit

Reunions... insert sigh here

2011-09-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

First of all.... thank you for giving me an outlet to procrastinate some of the work I have to do.

Okay. I'm just going to spit it out. This weekend I... I am going......

I am going to my 20 year high school reunion.

OKAY!! I'll say it louder. I am going to my 20 year high school reunion.

I have to say that it has been a little nerve wracking leading up to this thing. I mean, I wanted to have my hot, rockin' body. But.... *looks down*

*sigh*

That's just not happening. I will be extremely excited to see my friends again. But I am very self conscious about the way I look. I feel like I have to excuse it. However, I will try to not be conscious of it while I am there. After all, I have some great achievements. How is it that I can have my life together in other areas but I am self conscious about my weight?

Do/did you guys have any qualms going into a high school reunion?

Sooooooo..... a year and cough cough pounds later.....

2011-09-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Alright. I know.

It's been a year. I'm aware.

I'M SORRY!! Really. Really. Sorry.

I won't make a list of excuses but I'll fill you in on what has been going on with me this last year.

For those of you who saw my posts about my kitty, she ended up dying in October last year. I had her for 17.5 years of her 19 year life. So it was, needless to say, very sad. I did adopt a cat from the local Animal Control Authority in Feb. I went there to just look. Just look!!! And what happens? I adopt one. But she's adorable. It was a good decision.

Then, in April, my puppy dog died very suddenly. He was my buddy boy. He was just shy of 13 years old. And I miss him lots and lots and lots. Okay, I'm changing subject since talking about this makes me sad.

BUT!!! On a big life change note! I moved from California to Florida. I KNOW! Quite the move. I came out here to take a visiting professor job at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University. (Hopefully it will turn into something more permanent.) I'm really loving the job so this is a good thing! However - to get here, I had to drive across country.

Wyoming close to the Utah border.

I did take some pictures on the way. Instead of taking the southern route through Arizona, New Mexico, etc. I went the northern route so I could go through Colorado. My friend, Katie, agreed to come with me on my road trip. There were some extremely picturesque parts of the drive.

(I didn't take pictures through Kansas. Because... well, there wasn't anything to take pictures of.)

Elvis' Boyhood Home in Tupelo, MS.

After stopping at my hometown, we headed on towards Florida. On the way, we passed through Tupelo, MS. We thought it was a good idea and decided to stop by Elvis' old boyhood home. I thought my apartment had been small? That was NOTHING to this small two room house.

The Magic Kingdom

When we finally got to Florida, Katie and I went to DisneyWorld. I wanted to thank her for being cooped up in the car for so long! (And for her doing the driving through Kansas. Which deserves more than just a trip to DisneyWorld.)

Post STS-135 Launch

And the BEST thing about getting out here to Florida: I got to see STS-135 launch!!!! (I'm a space geek so this is a big deal for me.) I can't believe that I had never seen a shuttle launch before. But this was the most amazing thing I have EVER seen.

Atlantis after Landing

I got see see Atlantis come home and give my love to her. Yes, I'm aware that it is an inanimate object. But she seems real to me!

Being so close to the space coast just adds to the coolness factor of living here. I do love it. Well, with the exception of the humidity. Holy heckfire! What is with this humidity?!?! I like my job. And while I am working... a lot.... I'm still managing to find time to have some "me" time. I even got a trainer at a local gym!!

So here comes the confession.... with all of this crap that went on.... I gained weight back. A lot of it really. I'm trying very hard to get back on the wagon. Getting the eating back on track, getting exercise in. (Oh - which is hard because I now have a stress fracture in my foot. But it's healing.)

Cross your fingers for me! And I'll be back here soon. PROMISE! (And I mean it!)

I'm sorry!!!

2010-09-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, I made a video. YES! I know! And to top it off, I come across as if I'm a squirrel... on speed. No really. I do. But I wanted to do it to make sure you guys know that I'm serious about being sorry that I haven't been around.

I have so much more respect for vloggers now.

Day 117 - PhillyD and Project Lose an Olsen Twin

2010-07-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

Phillip DeFranco has a new project. For those who don't know who Philly D is, he's a celeb on YouTube. That's a picture of him with his girlfriend on the right. I know what you are thinking, "How did he get a girlfriend like that?!" I think it's the being funny thing. Works every time. Anyway! I always watch his videos because they make me laugh. Of course, I could find it funny because I'm warped and a little demented. Now you are probably thinking, "Gee, that's great. Get to the point." Well, okay! Geez. Patience is a virtue. ;)

His new project is a weight loss project entitled "Project Lose an Olsen Twin." First of all, I find that really funny because really - an Olsen twin weighs MUCH less than most of us need to lose. I mean, I can lose 2 or even 3 Olsen twins I think.

I went off topic again. POINT IS! He mentioned his weight... and it was close to mine. And he's freakin' 6'0"!!!!! I'm...... ummmm.... not that tall.

Has that ever happened to you guys? Someone mentions their weight, and you think "Oh my god... that's how much I weigh. And he's tall/muscular/professional athlete." CASE IN POINT! I looked up some athletes. Ones that weigh close to me. We have Jeremy Hoornstra, a freakin' power lifter.

Or how about, Adrian Peterson, a running back for the Vikings, who last year wanted to get up to 230 pounds. (At 6'1".) Not only that but the coach said "Well, you know what, 230 is awful big." Yeah. Thanks. BUT IT GETS WORSE! One of the comments to the story was "230 lbs sounds like Al Roker in cleats." *starts sobbing* Really??? REALLY?!

Don't get me wrong... I don't want to be 100 pounds at 5'4". I want to be healthy and beautiful. When I went to look for examples of celebrities that didn't look anorexic, sadly, I didn't find huge numbers of choices. Although, here are a couple of women whom I completely admire for their intelligence, abilities, and accomplishments. And they just happen to be absolutely beautiful.

Drew Barrymore - This woman has overcome a lot to become the woman she is today. She's enormously talented and driven. She isn't a cookie cutter, anorexic looking actress. She, like the rest of us, has fluctuated in her weight, but if I may say - at any weight, she is lovely.

Kate Winslet - I adore Kate Winslet. I think she is a spectacular actress. Again, hugely talented and accomplished. She has been very outspoken about the fact that she is a real woman with real curves. In fact, she has threatened to sue tabloids who have said she is seeing a diet doctor. In a People article addressing the situation, she has said,

"I will continue to say what I feel about this issue of women being thin and emaciated. It's just out of control," she said Sunday. "I know I'm a role model to young women. It's a role that I take very, very seriously and I would never want anyone to ever think I was a hypocrite in doing something like going to a diet doctor, for goodness sake. I mean, it's really, really ridiculous."

In 2005, Winslet told PEOPLE for the annual Most Beautiful issue, "I know that I have a real woman's figure. It's nice that it's acknowledge and appreciated that I don't conform. I don't starve myself."

Kate, you are absolutely stunning. I wish I could look a tenth of how beautiful you are. (Yes, I'm speaking as if Kate Winslet is actually reading this. It's my dream world! Don't mess with my dream!)

Hmmmm.... did I just get up on my soap box?? I think I did.

I'm sorry. *steps down*

My point is - - I really don't want to weigh the same as a running back or a weight lifter. I would prefer to be healthy and beautiful. I'll get there. Really. I will. :)

Day 115 - LHA Weigh In - and Holy Cow I'm Alive!

2010-07-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

Today was weigh-in day for LHA. And thank goodness!!! I maintained these last couple of weeks. And let me tell you, it is a miracle! We are talking 1980's Olympic Hockey Team level of miracle.
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Alright... I might be overstating the miracle nature of things.

But the fact of the matter is that it really is astonishing that I haven't gained weight over the last couple of weeks. My exercise has been limited to dog walking. Eating... do I have to admit this? Really? Okay. I ate fast food. I ate from In-N-Out even. The land of One-Meal-Can-Have-Enough-Calories-For-the-Whole-Week. It's true. And sleep... wait... what's sleep again? I have only a vague recollection of it.... hmmmm....... sounds good though.

In my defense: I was writing a proposal for to fund a project I hope to do. Talk about stress. This was the first proposal where I was the principal investigator - the one in charge. YIKES! But I got it done and it is in for review. Cross your fingers everyone and put good vibes out there for me okay? I'd like to have a job past this year. :)

Writing that thing was stressful and time consuming. In short... HORRIBLE!! I didn't want to cook or exercise or anything. But it's done ... but the next proposal is looming.

Despite all of that, I did take my dog on a long walk yesterday, which he enjoyed thoroughly. Tonight, I played softball. I feel like I'm on a roll here.

I hope that everyone had a great couple of weeks and that things are going swimmingly! Happy Wednesday everyone!

Picture from http://tponz.files.wordpress.com

Day 98??? - Losing track of days

2010-07-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days???? You know those days... the ones where you have strawberries and whipped cream.... only without the strawberries. And you don't exactly put the whipped cream in a bowl. In fact, you kind of just... well, squirt it right in your mouth??

Okay. That has been my week. My proposal is due on Friday. So the next couple days I will remain MIA. Sorry about that. My current stress level: 10 fingernails sans nail polish, followed by one nail that is considerable shorter now, 9 more fingernails that are scared s**tless that they will have the same fate. This followed by dinner at In-N-Out. YES!!! I SAID IT!!

I had dinner at In-N-Out!!!!!! I'm horrible. I'm a horrible, horrible person.

I will be back to my usual self (hopefully) Friday... maybe Saturday... well.... maybe Sunday depending on how much time I need to recoup. ha ha

Have a great rest of the week everyone!

July 4 - Reading the Declaration

2010-07-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm in the middle of proposal h-e-double hockey sticks. But I wanted to share one small little thing.

Okay. For me, a big thing.

Every fourth of July, I sit down and read the Declaration of Independence. I won't bore you with my interpretation or my thoughts/feelings on the matter. I just felt like I should share this with my friends here. While over the last 200+ years, we have, at times, convoluted our rights and liberties to a point that is, sometimes, scary, reading it reminds me of where we came from and what we were about. At least back in 1776.

That... and it is some spectacular writing.
From USHistory.org

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve

the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

— John Hancock

New Hampshire:

Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:

John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:

Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:

Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:

William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:

Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:

Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:

Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:

Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:

George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:

William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:

Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:

Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Day 87 - One more thing to add to my 'Do No Eat' list

2010-06-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

And what might that be Jules?? You ask.

Well, good reader, let me tell you which food is added to my "Do Not Eat Because You Obviously Can't Control Yourself and Eat It Until You Have To Lie on the Couch and Wish for a Stomach Transplant" List...

PUGLIESE BREAD!!

That's right ladies and gentlemen. I made the mistake of picking up another loaf because I had TONS of that pesto left over. *chirp chirp* Ummm.... Okay, I had some tomato pesto left over. And I'm here to tell you...

IT'S THE DEVIL!!! RUN!!! RUN FAR, FAR AWAY!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!!

Where's Dean and Sam when you need them? (Supernatural fans will get that one.)

So I tried to get rid of it. Really.

I tried to throw it away.

But it came back.

So I stabbed it.

It didn't work. So I stabbed it a few more times.

Finally, I figured blunt force trauma would do the trick.

I won.

Day 86 - I have a confession to make.

2010-06-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

This week was a good weigh in. It made me very happy. Except.... see.... Yesterday, I decided to make the tomato pesto that I love. And put it on bread. So I had some.

Okay.

Maybe I had a lot.

AHEM!!

I might as well be completely upfront here. I started with a loaf of pugliese bread. And this is what was left:

*sigh* Yes... I ate almost all of it.

I promise that I will not do that the rest of the week. Ummmmmm.... I promise I will try to not to do that the rest of the week. :)

On the kitty cat front... Her numbers weren't great when we checked yesterday morning. I got to keep her home but last night was tough. It was my first time doing subcutaneous fluids on her. She did really well, just laying there while I did it. But man! Talk about stressful and nerve racking! (Is that redundant?) I've given animals shots before, but this is different. 1) The needle is HUGE. 2) You have an IV back pumping fluid in. It makes this pocket of fluid. ICK. But we go through it. Seriously though... it was hard to get through. Between that and her meds... it was a tough night. I'm taking her back to check her numbers tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

But it's the weekend so YAY!!! I have no idea what my plans are. Anyone have any good ideas??

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Day 84 - LHA Weigh In Day

2010-06-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today was weigh in day for My Long Hot Active Summer.

This week's loss: 2.7 pounds!!

WOO HOO!! *does a little happy dance*

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Ha ha ha. But really. I haven't had really great numbers recently. So I'm pretty happy about that 2.7 pounds. I didn't get as much exercise in as I wanted. But that's about to change.

See... I mentioned before that I had medical stuff going on. Well, I had started a medication. And it made me hurt all over. Muscles that I didn't even know I had ached. It made my heart pound and all sorts of crap. NOT to mention, it shot my triglycerides through the roof. My last blood test had it at over 300!

So this week, not only was I off the medication, but I had to cut sugar out of my diet. I even cut it out of my coffee! HOLY BEJEEZIES! I WHAT?!?! Yes, that's right. I cut it out of my coffee. It was a harry situation. Really, I was on the verge of hari kari. But if it dropped my triglycerides by 170 points? I'll deal. :)

So that is now one of my goals. Over at LHA, we came up with 4 booster goals to keep. Mine are:

1. To keep the refined sugar out of my diet. Only in my coffee.

2. Get some form of exercise at least 5 days a week.

3. Make sure I get my daily water requirements EVERY DAY.

4. Learn to cook 3 healthy meals. (Anyone have any?!?!?!)

So what are yours? Have an awesome day!

P.S. I put the picture on here because 1) I think it looks cool and 2) you can almost see the movement in the body in this painting. And that's what I need to be doing. Moving my body. Later taters!

Day 83 - I've got a theory.... it could be bunnies!

2010-06-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

Buffy must have beaten back the evil of the Hellmouth for now. I've had a decent day. Yay me! Enough for me to do the Numfar Dance of Joy. (Yes, the Dance of Joy entails patting yourself on the head.)

I had to stay up last night ... or rather stay up all night... to work on a proposal. It's not fun. But if I want to have a job next year, it must be done! I sent it off to my boss this morning, bright and early. So automatically, I feel like I've gotten things accomplished today. That's enough to make ya happy.

I took Izzy, my kitty, back to the vet, trying to recoup her numbers. But she's acting a little pep-ier. So I'm taking that as a relatively good sign.

And seeing as how I hadn't really slept... at all... I went home. I really did intend to get some work done. .....
Hey.
What are you laughing about?
I WAS!
But the pillow beside me. Right there. Tempting me. Taunting me. Begging me to lie my head down just for a second. One little second.
.
.
Approximately 4 hours later....
I know.
So after a trip to Starbucks (sugar-free I might add), Target, and the vet's, I'm chilling out at home.

Remember the video I posted on my blog a few days ago from the Shaytards? Well, I was watching his video today and he brought up a point that I think we should definitely think about. Now, Shay had made a goal to do 100 miles on the treadmill before the end of the month. But he fell behind because, well, life does get in the way. Spending hours upon hours on exercise is hard on the lifestyle, family time, and well, just your mental attitude. So he adapted his goal to doing 3.5 miles on the treadmill every day until the end of the month.

This is what I want to discuss. So many times, we have a certain goal. For some reason, be it loss of time for yourself, your family, your work, or just getting burnt out, we can't achieve our short term goals. And I think that's okay! It's better to adapt your goals to something that you feel is more realistic than to get to the burned out stage and quit completely.

But we have this almost obsession with achieving goals, and when we don't, we want to just quit. But it's important for us, and that includes me, to realize that we aren't Wonder Woman. (Or Super Man for the guys. Although, Wonder Woman could SO kick Super Man's butt. DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! Plus she had those really cool bracelets.) And we will have times that we will need to alter our plan to suit our goals and our lives.

I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I felt that I should remind myself of this fact too.

Hope everyone is having a great day! Tomorrow: weigh in!

Day 82 - I think I live on the Hellmouth...

2010-06-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's the fact that I have been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer lately... a lot lately... but I think I may live on the Hellmouth. I need a Scooby Gang. And some stakes.... and some eye of newt... whatever they used. I'm a chemist... and as Willow said "Chemistry is a lot like witchcraft. Only less newt." (And for those people freaking out right now, no, I am not a witch. It's a show. ;)

ANYWAY, things have been going... that's about it. The problem is, my cat has gotten really sick. I know, it really seems weird that I get so upset about my cat. She's almost 19 and bound to get sick, but my dog and cat have been more supportive to me than most people.

I had to take her to the emergency vet Saturday night. I haven't slept much, or exercised much. But I haven't overeaten, which is a sure sign that I'm overly stressed. Because if I'm not hungry?? That's a big ol' OH NO! Usually, I'm thinking, "Where are the chips and salsa?? Oh and the cookies! Need cookies!" ha ha ha But for now, my kitty is doing okay.

But in the progress department, I'm eating healthy and not speeding over to McDonald's and ordering a large sized meal. See???? PROGRESS!! :) *does a little happy dance*

So cross your fingers that Buffy gets here and shuts down the evil Hellmouth that I'm living on! :)

Oh, and here's a picture of my doggie and kitty chilling on my their bed.

Day 78 - LHA Update and Odds and Ends

2010-06-17T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!! As you all know, I'm doing the Long Hot Active Summer challenge. Because I'm crazy. And stupid. Just kidding. It's actually pretty cool in my opinion! And this week, I thought I did pretty dang well! 420 minutes of exercise. WOO HOO!

You know how you have this good feeling about where you are. You don't give the scale the evil eye because you have a feeling it will be a good number. And then....... I stepped on the damn scale.

1/2 a pound?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! *insert lots of cussing here*

But it is half a pound. I have to stay positive. I do think that there might be something going on medically that might be screwing things up. I'll keep you posted.

Now, I don't know how many of you are as addicted to YouTube as I am. But there's one family who vlogs on YouTube that I find funny and completely adorable. That would be ShayCarl (also known as Shaytard) and his family. They go by Shaytard, Mommytard, Sontard, Princesstard, Babytard, and now have a little baby (name still up in the air as either Rocktard or Brothertard). Shay is starting back on his fitness/diet routine. I thought I would include his video on my blog because a) he's really funny and b) I think we can all relate! (Direct Link: ShayCarl and his treadmill)

Day 76 - Note to the unwise (ME)... aka The Work Shoes from Hell

2010-06-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hello all!! First, I feel I should mention that for the next few weeks, I will be blogging a bit more sporadically. See... there's this pesky proposal thing. It's how I get my salary. And since I don't want to be jobless... and therefore homeless... I have to write these proposals. I hate that part of my job. I really do.

That being said. Today, I decided to go for a walk with a couple of my coworkers. I hadn't planned on it. I didn't even have clothes or shoes to change into. But hey - my shoes are okay to walk in. Or. So. I. Thought.

I had on my work shoes. The ones I wear when I'm in the lab. You would think "Oh, well, they are broken in. I'll be okay." But after mile 1????

HOLY MOTHER*BLEEP*IN' OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. I'm in pain right now. But hey - I did the full 3 1/2 - 4 miles. Yay me. And by the way, they get heavier as you go. By the time I got to the end, it felt like these shoes had become two toddlers that had latched onto my legs and I was dragging them, dead weight and all, down the road. I'll put it to you this way... on the last little bit, I tripped on those little reflector things that are glued to the road. Yup. And those things are maybe an inch off the ground. I'm just graceful like that.

Tomorrow: weigh in day for LHA. See you guys then! Byeeeeeee!

And just because I found this really funny and wanted to make you laugh:

Day 69 - Taking a moment from science writing...

2010-06-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness! Have I mentioned how much I hate to write science publications??? If not, let's just say that I'd rather jab my very sharp, very pointy, mechanical pencil in my eye than to write a science paper or proposal. I'll let that image sink in for a second.
.
.
.

Now that I have that out of the way...

I read an article today that really kind of annoyed me: Does Muscle Weigh More Than Fat? Now, I get their point that a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat. A pound is a pound is a pound. But what annoyed me is that Laura Stusek, fitness coordinator for Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah, made it seem that we say this as an excuse for our scales going up instead of down.

The fact is, the same amount of volume of muscle is going to weigh more than the same volume of fat. In other words, if you lose a volume of fat, and gain the same volume of muscle, you are going to weight more. Period. End of story. I don't use the saying as an excuse, and I don't think that other people do either.

However, I think that the point of the article is that we shouldn't be scared of gaining muscle because the scale might go up. The fact of the matter is, having more muscle means you burn more calories. And that means less fat. And that, is a fantastic thing. It means, more energy, more fat burning, more everything really. So don't be afraid to pick up those weights!

She also makes the point that you should look at how you are feeling, and how your clothes are fitting, and I totally agree. Absolutely. And I think her major issue was that because we are scale obsessed, we are scared that adding muscle is going to make the scale go up.

And besides, if the hamster can do it, I guess we can too. :)
So there's my two cents for the day. Have a fun Monday!

Day 57 - New workouts! Guaranteed to train you to seduce your man, or beat him up!

2010-05-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

I came across this article about workouts that are different and work your body in different ways. I had to comment on it because it has one of my absolute favorites in the list! :) In this blog entry, I'm giving my opinion of these workouts, but for all of the information, read the full article HERE.

1) Sports Drills - Ever want the body of Gabi Reese? Maybe Anna Kournikova? This drills are designed to improve your skill in certain sports. While they are generally for certain athletes, some gyms offer classes or training for individuals who just want a different workout.

2) Boxing - I love boxing. Not only do you learn how to kick some as.... ummm.. butt, you get a great workout. Trust me, when you do 2-minute rounds of bob-and-weave/hook combos, the next day your abs will be hating loving you. Really. :)

3) Boot Camp - Some of you may have already tried this workout. I have to say I haven't done this. Not since I was in Air Force ROTC in college. And that was about *cough* *mumbled number* years ago. But I will say this, if it is anything like actual military boot camp?? It's a really awesome workout.

4) Kettlebell Lifting - I'm going to be honest. I have never tried kettlebells. The closest I have gotten to them is watching the contestants on The Biggest Loser sweating and groaning with them. Maybe my problem is from watching Jillian kill them... hmmmmmm.... *rubs chin*

5) KRAV MAGA - Can you tell which is my favorite?? In fact, I had to put a different picture on here because the one in the article was kind of wimpy. (I got this picture from an article at chicagonow.com. Krav is a great, and addictive, workout. It is the Israeli form of self-defense/fighting. And let me just tell you - - after a tough day at work? It's therapeutic to go to a class and punch, hit, kick, etc. on a bag. And women, don't worry, the techniques were specifically formed to be applicable for both men and women. I have to say it is very satisfying to be paired up with the new guy who says "I don't want to hurt you," which would then be proceeded by you kicking their tooshes. *insert evil grin here* Moving on!

6) Muay Thai Kickboxing - Again, a really great workout. It is similar to Krav in that it is physically intense, uses muscles you didn't know you had, and trains you to be mentally prepared. I have taken classes in this as well, and it is really incredible. One thing I can add, in most martial arts classes, you are using what has been called "bursting energy." Meaning you go from 0 to 100 in one second. You will go at very high intensity for a short time, and then have a period of rest. In fact, since this kind of workout is so different than endurance training, marathon runners and other endurance athletes have a hard time with it. Makes me feel good actually. :)

7) Fusion Dance - Okay, I have never tried this, but it seems incredibly cool. To me, the name 'fusion dance' seemed like a new weird type of dancing that I didn't think I would be into. However!! I was proved wrong. What it means is that they have fused several dance styles into one class. In a class, you may learn to salsa, or waltz, or do ballet, etc. Sounds pretty cool huh? And if you ever become famous and make it to Dancing with the Stars, you will already have a leg up.

8) Bikram Yoga - For more information, see the article. I am already wanting to get into yoga to increase my core strength and flexibility. But adding heat is supposed to increase circulation and help your joints. Like I said, I don't know anything about it, so I'll refrain from giving judgement.

9) Belly Dancing - Okay, this just seems really cool and/or fun. I looks like you would work your abs a TON. Even those pesky lateral abs. And hey -- if you want to practice in front of the hubby/fiance/boyfriend? I'm sure they won't mind. *insert evil laugh here*

10) Exotic Dancing - Now, let's make sure that we have this clear. They are suggesting pole dancing classes. Not going out and pole dancing at a bar. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin'. But man, have you ever seen what those women can do with a pole?? Holy crap. I'd kill myself. But it seems incredibly cool. And again - I'm sure that the man in your life might allow you to practice for him. Just don't let him install a pole in the bedroom. It won't match the bedding. (Maybe. Although I haven't seen your bedding. I'm just making a guess.)

So there ya go! If you guys try any of these, and love... or loathe... them, let me know! What do you guys think? Are you going to try any of these?

Day 56 - I'm back! And does it really take 21 days to change a habit???

2010-05-27T03:02:00.000-07:00

I am finally feeling fairly good. So I'm hoping I'm back to normal. *knock knock* Unfortunately, it wasn't a flu type of sick so the scale wasn't great. BUT -- I did lose 1.4 pounds. Not too bad considering I couldn't exercise and my eating wasn't on point.

Can we talk about something?? You know how people say that it takes 21 days to form a habit? Is that really true? I came across an article about this titled How Long to Form a Habit? (Appropriately titled don't you think?) I haven't fact checked the article, but did you know that the 21 days comes from a surgeon that noticed that it took amputees 21 days to get used to having lost a limb. (I don't know to what extent. I mean, who gets 100% over losing a limb??)

They tested different habits and noticed that there was variation. It could take between 18 and 254 days to form a habit. Because lets face it, forming a habit to drink water will take much less time than to form a habit to run 10 miles a day. (I think the 10 miles a day would take me approximately 2656 days. Just sayin'.)

My other question is: What happens if you have an off day? Or .. ummmm... several off days. Like I might have had the last few days? Okay... last week or two? Does that mean that my good habits are broken now? I'm hoping not, but I have a history of sliding back to bad habits once my good habits are broken.

Case in point: When I was slightly younger... several years younger..... OKAY! Lots and lots younger, I was a gymnast. I wanted to get better so my trainers have me several exercises to do every day. Nothing really big. Push-ups, sit-ups, etc. And I did them religiously. I even kept a journal of my exercises. And then, one day, I thought, "You know, I've been doing these for a while. And I'm tired tonight. One night off isn't going to kill me." And thus ended my nightly exercises.

One point that eases my mind somewhat, according to the above article? I'm in the clear. One missed day won't cause you to fall off the wagon. WOO HOO! So I guess the lesson is, KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!!

P.S. Contrary to my overactive imagination may tell you, I never looked like that picture when I was a gymnast.

(Image 1 from http://www.bettaplan.com/)
(Image 2 from http://www.cbc.ca/news/story/2008/05/09/f-olympics-gymbeam-essentials.html)

Day 47 - Being sick sure puts a damper on blogging!

2010-05-17T00:20:00.000-07:00

Hey blog buddies! First of all, let me apologize for the absence on my blog. I got really, really sick this last week+. So I apologize for my lack of posting.

Now, for my LHA - I had only lost 1 pound, but since I actually hadn't been able to exercise like I should, it doesn't really surprise me. We'll see about this week, although, I'm expecting another iffy number. Cross your fingers! I can't wait to get back on target!

I'm going to wrap this up for now. But I wanted to touch base with everyone and let you guys know that I am, in fact, still here. :) Ta ta for now!

Day 38 - How did that work exactly...

2010-05-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

I'm going to admit, I didn't do any exercise yesterday. What can I say? It was a crazy busy day and I didn't get done until late last night. (I'm not excusing it in anyway - I was just a slacker.)

So it was a lazy kind of day. Then I got ready for bed. You know.... wash the face, brush and floss the teeth, put on the jammies, and curl up in bed. All nice and snuggly and non-move-y.

And then... I woke up this morning.

Now I ask you. How the hell does one pull a muscle during the night? When one is asleep?! Seriously guys. I pulled a butt/hip muscle in my sleep. How does that work exactly?? But it actually feels better when moving around so no ixnay on the xerciseeay. But it begs the question - how can one pull a muscle when one isn't moving.

HEY!! Maybe I was sleep-exercising! Can I put down an hour on my LHA challenge?? :D

No? Damnit. Okay.

Have a good weekend guys!

Day 36 - 3...2...1... PAIN

2010-05-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

I did my cardio on my freshly fixed elliptical. WOO HOO!!

For those who don't know, I have an elliptical with an adjustable stride length. It had been stuck on the 13" stride length which works your quads more. But tonight... tonight, I got to use the 18" stride length. Oh! It felt so good. Kind of. Except that the muscles in my legs weren't happy. I think the conversation went something like this:

Legs: Oh. Wait a minute. Ow. OW. OW!!!! What the hell?
Me: It's called the elliptical. It's good for you. Trust me.
Legs: Trust you my a$$. Literally.
Me: No really. You'll thank me for it someday.
Legs: Did your parents say that to you? Did you believe them when they said it?
Me: Hmmmm. You have a point.
Legs: Damn straight! Now get off this damn thing!
Me: Nope. See, I'm doing this challenge.
Legs: Challenge? What the hell kind of challenge? And why did you involve me??
Me: First of all, do you really have to curse? Second, the challenge requires me to exercise. So you'll just have to suck it up.
Legs: First, hell yes I have to curse! Wait!!! Don't turn up the resistance! Are you trying to kill me?? And second, who's idea was it to do the challenge?
Me: Hey - if you want to blame someone, blame Lisa and Christine. They started it!
Legs: As soon as we can walk without feeling like Jello, we will! You can bet on it!

And then, I went on to do about 40 minutes of cardio. My legs still hate me. I think I'll just have to apologize in the morning when they are speaking to me again.

Wait. Am I really talking about talking to my legs? I need some sleep.

Day 35 - My Long Hot Active Summer Challenge

2010-05-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, since I have to (yes, they are making me) post pictures, I am putting a break in this post. So if you actually click "See More" then you can't blame me for your eyes burning out of their sockets!

Oh, you brave soul. Let me just preface this by saying.

I'm sorry.

I have to post these pictures. And yes, it is a little humiliating to have them publicly available. To everyone. I just hope that any ex-boyfriends out there have no clue about this blog. Because really - who wants to have their ex-s see and laugh and say "Thank goodness I didn't stick with her!" So yeah.... Here we go.

I think I gained this week. Let's take a look at my freshly Windex-ed scale shall we? (Let me just say - I did black out the glass because even though I was wearing shorts, it doesn't look it. And I thought I would keep you guys from being subjected to that.)

*hangs head* Yes, it really does say that. And crap - my weight went up this week. Excuse me.. I'm going to go cry for a second.

Okay, not really.

And here's the creme de la creme of embarrassing photographs.

DAMN YOU LHA CHALLENGE LEADERS!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!

I feel better now. :)
But now... off to the races. Going to go get myself moving. Later guys!

Day 33 - Exercise and me. A story of ellipticals, yoga, and getting stuck in uncomfortable positions.

2010-05-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

First of all... my elliptical is fixed!!! Woo hoo!!! *does a happy dance* Today, one day shy of 5 months, I finally have my elliptical working properly. My thighs, which took a beating when it was still broken, are excessively happy and relieved.

That being said, this last week and a half, when my elliptical was fully non-functional, I pulled out my yoga DVDs. I do like yoga. I hope it will help me regain the flexibility of my youth. And lord knows that I need to have the practice at being peaceful and centered. :) So with this in mind, I grabbed my mat, my blocks, and popped in my Rodney Yee DVD. I was full of optimism as I started. But that quickly dwindled in the first few minutes. Let me just say, that I'm sure I'm more flexible than I seem. It's just that... well.... it's just that my flub sometimes gets in the way! And while I wished I looked like:

I'm afraid I rather looked like:

That being said, I really am going to add yoga to my exercise. If I was questioning it, I came across this article today. Yoga and Weight Loss Talk about some perfect timing! So the great thing is, not only am I limbering up so I don't pull anything while exercising (although I doubt I will ever be able to do the lotus position or put my leg behind my head), but it will also help me not eat as much. BONUS!

Speaking of exercising....

I just wanted to remind people - My Long Hot Active Summer Challenge is starting on the 5th. If you haven't signed up, you really should. And if not, you can just cheer me on. :)

Hope everyone has had a good weekend and has a great week ahead of them!

Day 27 - Feeling the need to tell a funny story

2010-04-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it may just be funny to me alone. But I think that sh**s and giggles, I should share it with you guys. :)

Several years ago, I'd say in 2002 or 2003, I went to a conference in New Orleans for my work. It was tough to be in such a great city. Really. Okay... truthfully? Let's just say that I didn't actually see a lot of the conference. What can I say?? I was in New Orleans. I'm a history buff. And it's a beautiful city! But anyway, one of the days we were there, a group of us went on a haunted tour. It was a lot of fun - full of haunted places and historical facts. We had a great time. One of the places we went was a bar called "The Morgue", which used to be the morgue in New Orleans. (Photo acknowledgement: http://jaybarrymore.com/NewOrleans.aspx) We decided on the spot that we were going back there that night. Unfortunately, I have found out that it closed not that long after. And I was really sad to hear about that!

The five of us were walking down Bourbon street on our way to St. Philip street where the bar was located, arguing about which street we were supposed to turn down. (And for the record, Lynda and I were right. ha ha) As we are walking, this lady, and I use the term loosely, approaches us. "Where y'all goin'?" Us: "The Morgue" Lady: "Well, come on. I'll show ya." And by the way, I'm from the south. I have an accent, so I'm not making fun of it.

Now at this point, we are all thinking "Okay, I'll give her a couple of bucks for showing us where it is." So here's this tiny, tiny woman in her fatigue pants and t-shirt leading us down the street. Then she's telling us how she works at a Voo Doo store. Then she pulls out the "D'y'all get your readin's yet?" Us: "Umm.. Rachel and Julie did." (Rachel and I wanted to be able to say we had our readings done in the square. And we joked afterwards that they all say the same thing. ) She pulls out this ratty tarot cards, so old and tattered, you couldn't even tell what they said. She's tossing these cards out and she's talking so fast, I don't even know to this day what she said. All I heard was that Rachel was fertile and Lynda was coming into money.

Then....... she tells us how much to pay her. I honestly can't remember how much, but it was more than we were planning. And we give it to her!!!!!!! We get to the bar... we get our drinks.... and we're really quiet. We're all just sitting there, not talking. And then we start looking at each other and say "Did we give her money??? We gave her money!! We got screwed and didn't get to enjoy it!! SHE PUT A VOO DOO CURSE ON US!" So about a quarter down into my drink, I was feeling pretty good. It was called "Embalming Fluid" and was served in a huge cup. Rachel and I were getting happy and we decide we are going to get some of our money back. And we decide to go on Bourbon street and tell people we are there for a palm readers conference. After all .... they all say the same thing anyway!

Did we get our money back?? Yes and no. Actually money? No. Getting our drinks paid for the rest of the night? Yes.

Here's how it would usually start:
"You've been really hurt in your past..... and you've built a wall.... but you're going to meet someone and you are going to want to take that wall down.... "blah blah blah.

Which is usually followed by:
"Wow! How do you know that?!" Usually said in an awe-filled voice.

People would come up to me and say "Your friend is really good. She knew so much about me!" Me: "Yeah, she's been doing this for a long time."

Am I a bad person??? It may have been bad... but I have an excuse!! We were drunk. And you do stupid things when you are drunk. At least I didn't do something stupid like take a guy back to my hotel room. Wait......... is that a good thing or bad thing?? Ha ha ha ha ha

This story may be funnier in my head. But I thought you may enjoy it. :D

Day 25 - And it all leads back to......

2010-04-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, this weekend has been really....... trying. And I believe it all comes back to one thing.

The Curse

Okay men.... time to look away. I'm about to talk about female things. Like Aunt Flo, bloating, and cravings. So if you don't want to hear all of it, turn away now. Run!! Run away while you still can!!

So ladies, what is it about that time of month?? I always know I'm about to head down the Kotex path. I start crying at movies, or commercials, or hell, the bug that got squashed on my windshield. "Really now, how bad can it be??" you ask. Well, I will tell you. Yesterday, I started crying at the movie, "The Rookie." The Rookie?! Really?! Yeah, the one with Dennis Quaid about baseball? What the hell?!? A couple of days ago, I was watching a movie channel when I saw that "My Life" with Michael Keaton was coming on. I had to turn the channel before just the name of the movie made me break down in tears. As if, in this state, I could watch a movie about a guy who has brain cancer. Oh HELL NO!

Then what happens is that I want to chow down on everything in sight. And when I say everything, I mean everything. That kind of sucks when you are trying to lose weight. I haven't gone overboard, but let's just say that I'm not expecting a huge weight loss this week. *le sigh* (Btw, I did eat some bread yesterday. I had to throw it away before it became the unfortunate victim of pre-menstrual bread-icide dismemberment and slaughter. After which I just might have been put in a cell, talking to Clarice about fava beans and chianti.)

And let's not talk about the bloating. That's just kicking someone when they are down. I bet Mother Nature also practices her drop-kick with little defenseless puppies too!

Thank goodness this is only for a few days a month. Again I say, how the heck did men get out of this?! They get all of the easy stuff. (And for those guys who just might have read this, you can not compare getting kicked in the privates as compensation. Unless you want me to come to your house every month and rack you one. Just sayin'. ;)

/end rant

Have a good week everyone!!

Day 23 - I just signed up for what???

2010-04-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I was catching up on my favorite blogs. Mrs. HotAss at Did I Just Eat that Out Loud suggested that we check out the "My Long Hot Active Summer" challenge. I hop right on over.... and signed up.

Wait....

I did what???

Crap.

But in all actuality, it should be fun! And a motivation to get out there and be active even when you don't feel like it. What do you guys think?? Want to do it with me?

Challenge Blog: My Long Hot Active Summer

Day 22 - And the elliptical saga continues...

2010-04-23T02:25:00.000-07:00

First of all - I just have to say...
I lost 2.4 pounds this week!!!! *does a little happy dance ala Numfar Dance of Joy* (Buffy/Angel fans will get that reference.)
So YAY ME! Just gotta keep going now.

MOVING ON...
I finally had the technician out to fix my elliptical. (Yeah, I got it almost 5 months ago and it's been broken the whole time.) And even the technician said "Man. This is seriously messed up." And the parts the company sent are pretty much useless, even if they had sent enough parts to fix both parts that are broken, which they didn't. (I'm not a big fan of Icon Fitness who owns NordicTrack. I had to threaten to call a lawyer just to get things moving.)

So now not only is it not fixed, but the technician took the parts home to see if he could try to get it fixed there. This means I can't even use it until he gets it back. But I can deal with it as long as it gets fixed! And really, it isn't too bad of a situation since my knee is still sore from catching myself after stepping on the end of that dang power cord.

All in all, not too bad. Hope everyone is having a good week!

Day 21 - Chubby buddy or Chubby competition??

2010-04-23T02:10:00.000-07:00

I wrote this blog for Day 21. However, me being the brilliant person that I am, hit "Save Now" instead of "Publish Post." I'm just smooth like that. So here's yesterday's post.... ummm.... a day behind. :D

I was watching Kirstie Alley's Big Life the other night. It's actually really funny. Anyway, Kirstie is embarking on a weight loss program, one that she and a team developed and are now selling. (I am not doing this program - just watching what I'm eating and exercising.) In the first episode, she asked her handyman, Jim, to be her chubby buddy and lose weight together. He agreed.

It's been really funny - seeing the way they handle their trials and tribulations. Not just in the weight loss journey, but in every day life as well.

But this week's episode, Jim talked about how they embarked on this journey together but that now Kirstie did not act like his teammate anymore. See, he has steadily lost more weight than Kirstie - probably because he weighs more and, well, he's a guy. (Side note: What the hell is it that makes men lose weight faster than women?? We have a periods, and childbirth, AND we can't lose weight?!?! How the h*** did guys get off so easy?!?!)

Okay, sorry about that. I sometimes can't help myself. Anyway - what was I saying?? Oh yeah, Kirstie and Jim are chubby buddies, losing weight together. But this week, Jim was having a problem because he felt as if they weren't chubby buddies anymore. It wasn't about doing it together anymore, but more like a competition.

And that's the question -- do you have any people in your life who are also trying to lose weight? Is it a partnership or a competition? Do you do better in your weight loss if you have someone to do it with or do you prefer to do it on your own?

For me, I'm a highly competitive person. But I am still always happy for someone to lose weight. And I like having people around me who understands what I'm trying to do, what kinds of setbacks and victories come in the process, and can push me and encourage me. I, of course, want to do the same for them.

However, I do know people who would either want 1) for me to stay the same weight so they can feel more comfortable with where they are with their weight or 2) to beat me at the weight loss game.

It's frustrating to be sure. But what's important is that I stay on my journey and I'll get to my goal when I get to my goal. And just hope that people come along for the ride. :)

Day 19 - Something to think about.

2010-04-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

As a catchup since I didn't blog this weekend: I started my no complex carbs thing over the weekend. (For reactionary purposes due to being on a meds that increases cholesterol and triglycerides. Yay.) So far so good. I haven't been missing out a whole lot. Then again, I haven't seen bread and if I do, I may attack it like Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre leaving only a splatter pattern of crumbs in my wake. I may have to stay out of the bakery section of the supermarket when I go. It could be quite embarrassing.

In the midst of my blah filled weekend, albeit self-imposed, I watched G.I. Jane again. Now, I find the movie really good, in fact, I own it. But it is completely and utterly so far from what happens that I just have to grit my teeth and suspend disbelief. (You should check out the Navy SEALs BUD/S Class 234 series from Discovery. Really cool.... and okaaaaaaaaaaay... hot guys too.)

I digress. (Hot men tend to do that to me.) What I meant to talk about was the poem that the master chief quotes:

   Self Pity by D.H. Lawrence
   I never saw a wild thing
   sorry for itself.
   A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
   without ever having felt sorry for itself.

And it really got me thinking. I sit here and complain and say a "Woe is me" and talk about how rough I have it. But really, I have it pretty good. Yes, I am going through a struggle right now. However, I have to realize that I will come out on the other end. Hopefully, I will be stronger and more appreciative on the other side. It could be that I just needed to go through this now to teach me a lesson.

Maybe the lesson is to not have self-pity about where I am. That small bird D.H.L. talks about probably has to be alert all the time. Making sure there's not a bigger predator after it, making a home from twigs that it has to search for, and finding bugs for it to feast upon. That little bird doesn't sit there and mope. It flies. It's free. And so can I be.

And really - on a positive note, if the Earth gets hit by an asteroid and food supplies decrease.... I will live longer than the skinny little toothpicks, because I have some (okay, a lot of) fat to metabolize. Who's laughing now twiggy?!

Day 16 - Scales are inconsequential... maybe

2010-04-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

*trying to kill herself by paper-cutting her wrists* Well, that doesn't work. Just as an FYI. I guess I'll just have to persevere. *le sigh*

So, I tried the scale again this morning. And it's the SAME as yesterday. But I'm comforted by the knowledge that in order to have gained weight, I would have had to eat lots of extra calories. I know I didn't, so I'm trying not to freak out. Trying! On the good side, I measured myself again yesterday. And in those few days, I lost 3 1/2 inches. So yay me!

I was looking at possible reasons that the scale has become possessed. (Other than it is Satan's scale.) I'm hoping that it is water retention. Seeing as how I am close to that time of month. Was that TMI? That was TMI wasn't it? Sorry. What?? Aren't you interested in my personal bodily functions?! I don't see why not. Heh. My question is: how the he** did men get out of the whole monthly weight gain thing?? I mean, really. What about our evolution caused men to get the easy way out??? Grrrrrrrr.

On the other hand, I went back to the dermatologist's office today. I may not have mentioned this, but I'm now on a medication that has the potential to raise cholesterol and triglyceride levels. And guess what?? It did. It isn't outrageous, but my dermatologist said I needed to be on a lean protein, no complex carb diet. Like, no milk, no red meat, no pasta, no potatoes, no.... everything. That also means, no latte coffees. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *falls to her knees* Why hath thou forsaken me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*breathes deep*

Okay, I can do this. But at least eating lots of fruits, veggies, and lean meats will be good for me! Wish me luck!

Day 15 - What the **ing h*?!?!

2010-04-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

Slightly perturbed this morning. I don't think I should weigh in on Thursdays anymore. They seem to be cursed for me. Seriously.

Because we all know that I weighed myself on the 12th. But today?? Today, I was 0.4 lbs heavier than I was three days ago. How is that possible? I exercised, I was really good about my diet. What the hell?!

So I thought, maybe there is something wrong with the scale. That has to be it, right? I waited a few and let the scale reset. Stepped on ... and I was 1 lb heavier than I was on the 12th. I've decided that the scale is acting weird today so I'm going to do my official weigh in tomorrow.

And no giving me crap for it! :)

Day 14 - Fat Americans No more!

2010-04-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been over seas? If so, did you hear "You Amereeecans. You know noth-een about ze food and ze health. All you amereeecans are fat, lazeee, peepul." To which you find the urge to say "American? No, I'm Canadian. Eh. You hoser."

The reason I bring it up: I just read an article on Yahoo, Why Americans are Overweight and How the Rest of the World is Thin where they discussed the reasons why there is such an obesity problem here in the U.S. versus the rest of the world. The only thing is, the obesity problem is spreading all across the world now. There are a lot of good points in this article, but let me just talk about a few.

Obesity boils down to a just few facts. We are eating more foods with less flavor, more calories, and bigger proportions, and moving around less. Big shocker right?? Nothing we don't already know. But let's think about it. I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I spent all day outside playing, running around, or biking. Today, kids spend all day inside watching TV or playing video games. Probably because with the rise of reporting of child abductions, etc., people are scared (and rightfully so) to let their kids out of their sight.

Also, when I was a kid, my mom (or my dad) used to cook dinner. She wasn't a stay at home mom either. She worked all day long. And it didn't have to be something elaborate either. We had a home-made dinner and we ate at the table. There was no eating dinner on the couch in front of the TV. It was great family time with good food. The other thing is, we only really ate out (or ordered in) after our (my sister and my) piano lessons on Tuesdays. I remember how I was always so excited on Tuesdays, because it was a big deal to have our pizza nights. It was a special occurance. Now, families are eating out at fast food places so often, it is mundane. Nothing special here.

There has been a lot of talk over the years about how Europeans are more active than Americans. And let's face it, it's true. But here's one thing I noticed last time I was in England. They walk or bike everywhere. Granted, it is easy to do when you don't have to go very far. This is a point that many Europeans don't grasp how big our country was and how traveling by vehicle is a necessity about living in the U.S. For example, I was in a museum in Cambridge, England talking to one of the docents about her recent trip to the states. She and her friend had bought a rail pass thinking that, like in continental Europe, you can hop on a train, and be at your next destination by tea time. It was shocking to her that they spent all day on a train and hadn't made it to the next destination. She said that she really hadn't understood exactly how big the U.S. was. Even in the cities, it is different. When I was in Cambridge, you could walk wherever you wanted easily. Not so here in the states. So next time a European gives you trouble, just remind them about the vast difference in size our two continents are! :)

The scary thing is, with the spread of fast food franchises, etc. to other countries, along with the on-the-go mentality, obesity is spreading. The good news is - we, as Americans, are starting to be healthier and being more conscious of the things we are putting into our bodies and being more active. That's a good thing.

I'm not sure if I made any sense above. But just something to chew over. (No pun intended.)

Day 13 - Lean Cuisine Pizza is made by Satan.

2010-04-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

You know how there are those items that you either 1) can't buy or 2) must by just one of?

I have discovered that Lean Cuisine's Four Cheese Pizza, with it's temptation filled cover showing all of its (fake) gooey cheesy goodness, is one of those for me. I mean, just look at the box:

EVIL!!!! EVIL I SAY!

I have to just buy ONE if I do buy them in the future. I swear, they are evil. Probably made by Satan. In Hell. With crack. A special crack called.... sodium. That salt gets me every time! I'm still on track for my calorie count today but still, I had 2 of those things! Two! I know. I am horrible.

Let's see, what other items can I not buy or buy one of??

1) Hostess 100 Calorie Chocolate Cupcakes (They really are good and only 100 calories, but it doesn't help if you eat all 6 packets.)
2) String cheese (I have a tendency to eat more than one. But I think with my new found willpower, it's doable.)
3) Baked Lays (It's that damn crack... I mean, sodium. I start with the intention of eating one serving. And I succeed.... if one serving is an entire BAG.)
4) Milk Duds (It's the sugar crack.)

5) Bread of any kind... especially if it has Jess' tomato pesto on it.
I'm know that there are TONS of others but I can't think of them right now.

What about you guys? What things can you just not buy?

Day 12 - And the scale addiction....

2010-04-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning... the sun... well, the sun wasn't shining. In fact, it was raining. But that's beside the point. I groped my way to the bathroom. And there... in the corner... was The Scale. It was just sitting there. Taunting me. Reminding me of the almost crack-like high that comes from stepping on that little platform. (Not that I have ever done crack, but I imagine it would feel like that.)

I tried to resist. Really. I did. But yes, I gave in.

Now, keep in mind that my official weigh in day is Thursday. But as of today, I lost another 1.6 pounds. YAY ME! We'll see if that was a fluke weigh in or not on Thursday. But cross your fingers for me!

Thank goodness Monday is over. On to the next!

Day 11 - Weekend Antics

2010-04-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

So I've had a busy, but fun, weekend. And guess what? I didn't go beserk on my eating! I know - it's shocking.

Saturday, I slept in. They say that to lose weight it is imperative to get your sleep. I must have taken it to heart because I woke up at 11am. I had my coffee, which is a must! Here's a tip for coffee drinkers! I, as you might now from one of my first posts, am addicted to coffee. And my favorite is a Starbucks Venti Iced Caramel Latte. Oh. My mouth just started watering. Damnit. But in order to cut back calories, and money, I have switched to making coffee at home. I use the Via packets from Starbucks (the medium strength, in the orange box), which are instant coffee packets, but actually quite good. And then I add a hot chocolate packet to it. I splurge and use the Swiss Miss milk chocolate packets, which are 120 calories. But you can use sugar free which will cut down both calories and sugar. And it's really good! At least I think so anyway.

After my late start, I ran out the door without much to eat. Bad. I know. I made my way to the hair salon. Purple hair no more! It looks really great, if I do say so myself! But as much as I love my stylist, she takes her sweet time on things. So after 4 hours at the salon, yes I said four hours, I had to go directly to Yuri's Night to see the planes fly. (Did I mention I'm a plane/flying fanatic?) I didn't stay long because, well, I was hungry!

Even with my bad eating habits that day, I still didn't go home and binge eat because I was starving. So yay me!! So at the end of the day, I'm feeling pretty good.... I had a good day... got ready to snuggle up in bed. You know that feeling of anticipation before getting all comfy and snuggled in bed?? Yeah... well, I sat on the bed and..... *SNAP* *bed goes plop* *insert tons of cussing here*

Yup -- you know you need to lose weight when... YOU BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' BED!

I believe it is fixable, but in the meantime, at least I found a use for some of my old text books:

At least it allows me to sleep in my bed right?

I did a lot of running around today, returning things to store in the mall. (I hate the mall.) But this evening, I went over to a friend of mine's for dinner. I was prepared to kind of blow my diet. But the great thing is, Jessica is already healthy and fixed a healthy dinner. I am hoping to get some recipes from her and I'll post them if I'm allowed. We had some french bread de la campagne with this really great sun dried tomatoes pesto that Jess made. Omg - I could have kept eating that forever. It was so good! For dinner we had pork chops and couscous. And some chardonnay. It was so good!

Guess what?? Even with all of the deliciousness of dinner, I came in on my target calorie count for today! WOO HOO! I'm telling you... if I don't do well on the scale this week, I'll be very frustrated.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Hope you guys had a good one!

Day 9 - Holy s***balls Moments - Part 2

2010-04-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Wow. Part 2 came right on the heels of "Holy s***balls Part 1". Didn't see that one coming.
You know, today started off as any other day, except that this seemed like a blah kind of Friday. I'm in the lab this morning, doing mundane stuff, wishing I was outside in the sun. Still bummin' about my 1.5 pound loss this week, but trying to be appreciative. And then..... I read MrsFatass' blog for today.

Go ahead and go read it. I'll wait here.

I know right?!?!
*bangs head on desk*

Let me tell you what this reminds me of.... (Warning: I am getting serious here.) A little over a year and a half ago, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer.

(Good looking guy, huh??)

I wanted to go visit him where he was living as he was getting treated etc. In preparation, I got my butt on the treadmill because I wanted to lose some of the chub before seeing him again. Every time I was on that treadmill and wanted to quit, I would think "You know, Scott is having chemo right now. He'd kill to be on this treadmill." And I'd keep going.

He passed away that October. And did I honor him by staying on the path to get myself healthy again? Nope. In fact, I let things go to hell in a handbasket. And MrsFatass reminded me of that. Not in a bad way... it wasn't like she was saying "Jules.... you know, you are such a slackass. You should be ashamed of yourself." Well....... maybe she was saying that, but the MrsFatass in my head definitely wouldn't. :)

The point is: her acknowledgement of those who have the spirit and the personality, but whose body doesn't allow them to do all of the things they want to do reminded me that I have a body that is capable and willing to be active and healthy. She reminded me that I need to appreciate the health that I have and that I am capable of living a healthy life. She reminded me to stop punishing my body with crap food and to cherish it with foods that are good for me and that will fuel it for what it needs to and wants to do. She reminded me that I need to appreciate that I can get on the treadmill, or elliptical, or heck, just go take a walk - because there are some many people, like Scott, like my dad, who would have given anything to have the abilities that I have now.

So thanks MrsFatass. Today's cardio session is dedicated to you.

Holy s***balls moments - Part 1

2010-04-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is Part 1 because I'm sure there will be other holy s*** ball moments. There always are. :)

It's all skinny jeans and cute tops until you realize your health is involved.......

Now, I wanted to start getting back in shape because I wanted to be healthy, feel good, have energy... and... well.... I wanted to look cute in clothes again. Who doesn't?
Only a few years ago, I looked like :

HOWEVER!!!!!

About 5 years and a bunch of professor assoholic behavior later, I'm 100 pounds bigger. Granted, part of the reason I have been able to ignore the situation is that I have this superhero ability to look in the mirror and actually not see exactly how fat I am. It's impressive to tell you the truth.

It was one thing to sit and look at my former cute, and might I say, kick-ass wardrobe and wish all day long I could fit back into my clothes. But what really freaked me out?? Getting the results of a blood panel back. See, I decided that at my age, I'm tired of worrying about wrinkles and acne so I decided to try a different medication; one that requires testing blood levels beforehand. (I know, sounds scary. But really, who wants pimples at age 36??)

And what came up? I had low HDL cholesterol (The good kind of cholesterol, which has always been low for me.) and borderline high triglycerides.

Oh. Holy. Crap.

What does the hell does that mean??? First thing I do? Reach for the Google. Oh internet. It's such a wonderful thing........ except when it TOTALLY FREAKS YOU OUT!!!!! The first article I read, Low HDL-cholesterol and high triglycerides linked to increased risk of CHD, starts out:

Low levels of high-density lipoprotein cholesterol (HDL-C) and raised triglycerides, affecting millions of patients worldwide, are strongly linked to significantly increased risk of coronary heart disease (CHD) even in patients who achieve or surpass current low density lipoprotein cholesterol (LDL-C) targets.

Great. Fan-flippin'-tastic. What causes low HDLs and high triglycerides you ask? WebMD states that along with other factors such as taking certain kinds of medicines (listed at the above link) low HDL/high triglyceride levels are caused by:

High triglycerides are usually caused by other conditions, such as:
Obesity.
Poorly controlled diabetes.
An underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism).
Kidney disease.
Regularly eating more calories than you burn.
Drinking a lot of alcohol.

So yeah.... this freaked me out just a tad. It wasn't that I didn't think about any of the health problems that accompanies obesity issues. But my method of coping with such health related problems consisted of putting my fingers in my ears and yelling "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!"

While I want to look cute and fit into clothes, I really couldn't deny that my health was at serious risk. And here we are! Week 2 and still kickin'!

Day 8 - Weigh in Day. Are you kidding me?!

2010-04-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to remain calm, cool, and collected here. I really am.

I've been really good this week. Seriously. Using Daily Plate, I've been following the calorie count to lose 2 pounds per week with my normal lifestyle activity level. (Not including any exercise.) On top of that, I had 4 days of cardio. So I should see a bit more than 2 pounds right? In fact, I figured it out. I should lose around 2.5 pounds. But I'm shooting for 2 pounds.

I got up this morning and was pretty excited to be honest. What's that scale going to read??

I climbed out of bed. Groggily (I'm so not a morning person) made my way into the bathroom. Did my normal morning business. (You know what I mean. Everyone makes sure they pee before weighing.) Pulled off my clothes, because seriously - who wants to see excess poundage from clothing. Step on the scale.

1.5 *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*in' pounds? Are you kidding me?? I worked that hard for 1.5 freakin' pounds??

*deep breath*

Well, I guess that 1.5 pounds lost is better than 1 pound... or losing nothing... or heaven forbid GAINING. But man..... it's hard to shoot for something, think you've got it, and see it fall short.

But I will endeavor to be happy about my 1.5 pounds and not be disappointed. It is, after all, 1.5 pounds less than I weighed last week. I think I'm going to start tracking my inches so that I know that I'm losing inches even if I don't lose a lot of pounds.

Hope you guys are having a good week!

Day 6 - And the battle against stress eating

2010-04-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

DAMN YOU TAXES!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!

*deep breath* Okay, now that is out of the way.... *clears throat* I'm sure that when our founding fathers thought "We should have some taxes to pay for government programs" they weren't thinking about little 'ol me 234 years later and the possible effect taxes could have on my diet. If they were.... shame on you Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and all the rest of you founding parents of our country!

But the point it, I've been doing well... chugging along on the weight loss path. I'm feeling good. And then..... I had my mom's tax person check my return. And BAM!!!! What?? What do you mean I have to add this checkmark on my return? It's going to add HOW much to my taxes owed?? Where's the nearest cookie? Seriously! I need a cookie. NOW. Don't stand between me and my cookie! If I have to, I will mainline it.

But really, what is it that makes you want to chow down when things get stressful?? The urge to shove anything (well, anything available anyway) in my mouth was so overwhelming. However, I did realize what was happening and I ended up having a yogurt and getting on the elliptical for 20 minutes instead. *pats herself on the back*

I hope that I can continue dealing with the stress in a somewhat healthy manner instead of shoving food in my face! Cross your fingers for me!

And if you are betting on if I will cave in or not, put me down for $10 that I'll stick with it. (I need the money anyway. :)

I'm FREE!! I'm FREE!!! - Day 5

2010-04-06T01:27:00.000-07:00

So... the two people who read this might have noticed I haven't been around. I had been working 14 hour days trying to get my part done for this project at work. But I'm done!!!! I'm FREEEEEEEE!!!

*Jules imagines herself running and leaping through a field of wildflowers singing "The Hills are Alive... with the Sound of Muuuuuusssiiiiiic..." while her incredibly good looking, smart, funny, accomplished, and great in bed boyfriend waits for her with diamonds and champagne*

Dreamworld screeches to a halt when reality raises its ugly head as my dog sitting beside me farts. Oh life. *sigh* OH! My lungs! They are burning!

Okay, I just had my oxygen feed going to help my lungs after Farty McFartenston Dog tried to kill me by gassing me to death. He doesn't mean it.... no really, he doesn't really snicker in his little doggie way as I'm gasping for breath and diving through the window screen to get fresh air. He's a good dog. *cough* Moving on!

So as I said, my work has been KILLING me lately. But I am finally done with this project. Just in time to save my sanity. And good news boys and girls. I actually got off my toosh and started doing something about my weight. I know! I'm shocked too. But it definitely feels different this time around - like a part of my life.

I decided that I was going to start this journey on April 1st. (How weird is it that I picked April Fool's Day to start this journey?) So I'm only on day five, but I'm feeling pretty good. I'm using Livestrong's Daily Plate to keep track of what I'm eating and counting my calories. And I'm not even cheating!! (You know we all say "Ummm.. it's that many calories? I bet I didn't have a full serving.")

I also started working out on my elliptical too. My friend, Katie, came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and I'm afraid to say, she used the elliptical more in her 5 days here than I had in a couple of months. *hangs head in shame* I know!!! But, I have since corrected this situation. This is day 3 on the elliptical, but I'm taking tomorrow off. I do love having an elliptical in my apt so I can watch the tv and no one can see me huffing and puffing.

Now that I have bored you guys... let me pose a question... When you guys work out, what do you like to watch?? Do you need something action packed, or can you watch the grass grow?

Okay - off to sleepy time!

Karma and the 12-inch stride from hell...

2010-01-07T00:50:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking that the universe is trying to tell me something...

Remember how I told you that I got an elliptical trainer? Works great, except I can't move the stride lengths because the pin mechanism is broken. I called. After about 1/2 hour trying to explain that a brand new machine shouldn't be broken, they sent me the replacement parts and had a gentleman *cough* not-so-gentlemanly *uncough* call me to tell me to call him when I get the parts.

Parts came.

One out of three were backordered.

Still haven't gotten the parts, nor have I had my elliptical fixed.

It's karma. I finally go to do something good and healthy for me, and what happens? It's broken. Maybe I did something bad and it's the universes way of telling me what a horrible person I am.... Maybe the swearing and yelling at people on the highway to and from work has come back to bite me in the ass. Maybe it's the revelry I had in daydreaming about my ex-graduate adviser waking up with a missing penis, which shouldn't be too bad since it has to be extremely tiny in the first place. Or maybe it was the wishing that the woman at the store who was incredibly mean to me got her comeuppance for which she had to grovel at my feet and beg my forgiveness.

Whatever it was, it came back and slapped me down!

Okaaaaaaaaay.... so it doesn't mean that I can't use it. It's set on the 12" stride which works your quads. But let's be honest here. After about 1 minute on that setting, and my legs are screaming "What the hell?!?! Nothing for three years and now this?? Have you started doing drugs or something??" Sadly, no, I can't blame my self torture on drugs of any kind. And I'm sure that in some strange parallel universe there's the anti-me who is happy to have this problem and is on the elliptical 10 hours a day, happy as a clam. But this is my universe and the elliptical isn't getting much action.

But! I vow from this moment to stop grumbling at the brokeness of my elliptical, and ignore the complaints of my quads, and get back up and going. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

Erik Chopin: Confessions of a Reality Show Loser

2010-01-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

I am only 8 minutes into this show and felt the overwhelming urge to write a commentary about this show.

For those of you who don't know, Erik Chopin (Erik Chopin's Webpage) was the Season 3 Biggest Loser winner. He was awesome - and looked pretty hot, I might add! :) He weighed in at 407 lbs at the beginning of Biggest Loser and finished at 193 lbs.

But now he's crept back up to 368.2 lbs. He recently decided to be up front with his struggle on shows like Oprah and Biggest Loser's "Where are they now?" recap show.

And tonight he was on a short documentary called "Confessions of a Reality Show Loser." He was really candid about his struggles with weight especially after the show. I can almost feel what he must be feeling because I, too, thought "I will never put this weight back on again." And where am I? Back to my highest weight ever.

There are a few things that he talked about on a new documentary that I wanted to cover.

The part that got me frustrated enough to start this commentary was his wife's reaction. She started crying and saying things like "I can't go through this again." and "I'm sorry. I feel bad for you." I know that she just wants her husband to be happy. I understand that. I really do. But some of the things she said made my jaw drop and wince a bit. I know that she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but if someone said those things to me, it would have made me feel horrible inside.

But I wish she heard what he said when he said that he didn't want to live and she asked why... he said "Cause I can't figure out what else I should be doing on this planet." And I'm right there with him. Weight issues are always about something else besides food. Sometimes it is about not knowing what is really your passion in life, and feeling like you are trapped in a life that you don't really want. (My words, not his.)

AH HA! I was right. He had sold his business while doing the promotion with the Biggest Loser. And when the money he won and the money from endorsements dwindled, he had to find a job, which meant that he ended up working for/with his dad. This job he says he doesn't hate but.... like I said, there's no passion. With that came depression. With depression comes weight gain. Yeah... I don't know anything about that. Nope. Not a bit. *cough* *looking for lightning to strike me down* MOVIN' ON!

Erik's mom is kind of busting his chops about people asking her about him and "Is he keeping the weight off?" etc. Followed up by "I have a busy schedule, and I find the time." And the next part?? What did she cook for them? BABY BACK RIBS!! What the hell?!?! You can not bust him for weight gain and then feed him baby back ribs. Because..... "It's Sunday." and that's a special day so it should be okay.

Of course, this has had a toll on their marriage. The intimacy has gone down, which again, I understand. But I also understand that when his wife and his mother tried to approach him about, it "was not well received" and that he did some head biting. Again, been there, done that.

The counselor just asked him if he could make a commitment to making different choices, and Erik said "I know the right answer, but I also know... it will be so f'ing hard." (He did say eff-ing, not the actual f-word.) He knows, and I know, that making the healthy decisions makes you feel fantastic. But when you see how many pounds you have to lose, it becomes almost debilitating when you think about it.

But the biggest part was admitting that you let yourself become like this and actually own up to it.

Okay, going to post this and if there's anything else, I'll come back and edit. Later taters!

Another article: Taming PMS. Can you tame that kind of thing??

2009-12-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

So again... was reading an article on Jillian Michaels.com about Five Tips for Taming PMS. Wait.... how do they know I'm in the midst of PMS?? What do they know?? Do they have cameras in my apartment seeing me fight (and sometimes not successfully) wanting to eat everything in sight? Do they know I'm in the ravages of PMS this very second?? How did they know I needed to know how to tame my PMS?? Maybe they are psychic.......

ANYWAY -- to pass on this helpful advice: here is what they suggest for keeping the big, bad PMS monster away. (Straight from the above link. My comments are in italics.)

Exercise! You may not want to, but get in your workout anyway. The endorphin rush will help relieve cramps and raise your levels of serotonin, a mood-lifting neurotransmitter. Damnit... how do they know what I least want to do when PMSing. ha ha But I do have the elliptical for a reason. I really shouldn't have gotten it... no excuses now. :)
Get some R&R. Adequate sleep and less stress will put you in a better hormonal position to handle the physiological imbalance that PMS brings. Oh sleep... how I love thee. But being part vampire (i.e. being a night owl who loves to stay up late) makes getting enough sleep kind of hard. But I do love my sleep. And I will find a way!
Cut out most alcohol, caffeine, and salt. Alcohol can exacerbate feelings of depression, so steer clear. Reducing caffeine may minimize breast tenderness and irritability, and cutting salt can reduce bloat. Alcohol, salt *gasp*, and... and... CAFFEINE?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *falls to her knees and shakes her fist at the sky* Why hast thou forsaken me?!
Minimize simple sugars. Ideally, you're doing this all the time, but it's especially important before your period. Simple sugars may increase inflammation, making cramps worse. Eating regular meals and snacks with fiber and protein will help keep your blood sugar stable, which is a lot better for those raw nerves than blood-sugar swings. *her hand holding chocolate (100 calorie pack) stops midway to her mouth* *puts it down* What?? What chocolate? *throws it behind her* I don't see any chocolate. . . . Crap.. now I have to clean chocolate off of white walls.
Consider supplements. Calcium may reduce symptoms of PMS, so shoot for at least 1,200 mg a day. Magnesium is also helpful, as are B complex vitamins. To reduce the inflammation of cramps and breast tenderness, try a primrose-oil supplement; it's a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory that may work in ways similar to ibuprofen. I don't think they make supplements for what I have. Seriously...

So there you go. I hope that these tips help you guys as much as it will help me. .... I hope. Later taters!

Diet Busters: Or as I refer to them.. heaven on a stick

2009-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article on Everyday Health about holiday diet busters. And someone of them made me cringe with the knowledge of exactly how bad they were for me. Others, it didn't bother me so much. I thought I would go through the list with you all and share in my misery ... and make you guys as hungry as it made me. :) But keep in mind, at the above link, they give you other options instead of the butt enlarging, thigh engourging items below.

1. Au Bon Pain Carrot Walnut Spice Muffin. Call me crazy but anything with the word "pain" in it has to be kind of bad. I mean, I know it's french and all, but I don't want anything from a place that has that word in it. But here's the kicker... that amazing, soft, delicious muffin?? 550 calories, 24 grams of fat!! Wait... my butt just got bigger. Crap.

2. Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Chip Muffin: Again, another one that I can live without. I think that there's a muffin consipiracy. Really. Think about it. When you think of muffin, you think "Didn't our forefathers eat muffins all the time?? They were good hardy stock!" It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.... but then you find out that the item you relied on is 590 calories and 24 grams of fat. That's tantamount to going on the perfect date, having a little bit too much wine, bringing the guy home just to wake up alone with some money on the nightstand. *sigh* Not that that's happened to me. Seriously.

3. Mrs. Fields Semi-Sweet Chocolate & Walnuts Cookie: I would just like to say, my cookies would kick Mrs. Fields' cookies in the butt. Just sayin'. But here's the deal.. 310 calories and 16 grams of fat. Mine certainly doesn't have that many calories and fat in them. I take the calories out. *cough* *choke* *looks for lightning to strike her dead* Actually, their recommendation is Chocolate Chip Cookies made with part apple sauce. I hear it's pretty good. Check the above link.

4. Krispy Kreme Glazed Creme Filled Doughnut - 360 calories, 19 grams of fat. Again, something I can live without. Doughnuts have never been a big deal for me. Although, if someone brings them to work and there's all that luscious glaze just calling my name.... I do generally give in.

5. Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Moo'd - 860 calories, 21 grams of fat. I have to say, I have never had one of these. I personally prefer the Strawberries Wild (250 Calories). But they have to menu and nutritional info out up front so you can peruse until you find something that you like and fits your calorie count. :)

6. Cinnabon Classic Roll - Now I know what you are all saying. "But it's CINNABON! Isn't it at least no calories when you are stuck in the airport and you are smelling all of that Cinnabon-iness??" But no... sorry. Even the airport Cinnabon will deliver you 730 calories, 24 grams of fat. I know. But try to resist. Put the earplugs you brought for the flight in your nose, and you won't smell it!

7. Starbucks Grande White Chocolate Mocha - 480 calories, 20 grams of fat (with whole milk). There are LOTS of fixes for this. First, go to the Starbucks online menu and nutritional info. Pick out the drink best for you. First off, go with skim milk and no whipped cream. But here's something I have been doing lately: Buy the Starbucks "Via" packets. They are instant coffee packets but taste GREAT! I add a package of hot chocolate with it and VOILA! Cafe Mocha! Woo hoo!

So there ya go!!

Wait... what? I have no excuse now?

2009-12-04T19:11:00.000-08:00

DAMNIT! Foiled again!

I got my elliptical today. WOO HOO! Although now, all excuses for not getting cardio in are voided. But that's okay. I put it together myself over the course of a few hours. And I was really excited.... but it was too good to last. My elliptical has an adjustable stride length. The kind were you pull the pin and adjust the bars. But I went to adjust it. So I pulled the pin... and I pulled... and pulled harder... got down on the floor and braced my feet against the machine and pulled with two arms. NOTHING!

My brand new NordicTrack elliptical is broken. *sigh* But they are sending the part out and a technician. But I have to wait another week. That's incredibly annoying. No?

But I can now get cardio in while watching TV which I think it way cool.

Jennie's Advice

2009-12-03T01:01:00.000-08:00

I recently discussed weight loss/exercise with a friend of mine, Jennie. Jennie has a claim to fame on this blog by coming up with the title "Climbing out of the Lard Pit." She's a funny gal!

Now, I have never considered Jennie overweight in the slightest, but she has been taking health and exercise quite seriously. She has some major self will and determination! I wanted to ask her, since she has a rockin' post- *garbled mumbled age* body, what her regiment was and if she had any tips for me.

The first thing she said, and I totally agree, is that you have to make the decision. I know that is the reason I was unwilling and unable to do anything about my weight before this. I just hadn't gotten to the place where I was ready to do it. Get your mind in the right place, and it will happen from there.

One tool that Jennie found extremely helpful for her and suggested for me is Livestrong's "The Daily Plate." I took a look at it and it really is a great website tool. It allows you enter how many pounds a week you want to lose and it calculates how many calories you need eat for that weight loss. (Just don't put in 10 pounds for a week okay?) You can track the foods you eat and get your calorie count for the day - - which forced some accountability on you too. (As long as you don't "forget" to add that donut you had at this office. ha ha) You can enter any exercise that you do to find out how many calories you actually burned. And the best part is that it's free. YAY! Something worthwhile that you don't have to pay for. Isn't that something?? :)

Something that worked for Jennie is the dreaded 'no eating after 8pm.' That's a hard thing to do for night owls like us! Also, if you need a snack during the day, pick something like one package of light string cheese (60 calories), or a piece of fruit or a veggie. That is much better than chips out of the vending machine (even if they are baked chips).

For exercise, when she's not hitting the gym hardcore, she suggests an 1 1/2 hours at the gym. I didn't write this down but I think that is an hour of cardio and 1/2 hour of weights. When she's hitting the gym hardcore, it can be anything from yoga to weight training to cardio classes to treadmill, etc. And if I'm correct, I believe she hits the gym twice a day when she's hardcore. Let me tell ya -- this woman has some determination!! Did I mention she runs marathons too? I know... I think she's crazy too. :) But what can I say? I like crazy people.

And so ends Volume 1 of "Fabbity Fab Advice from the Dr. Ruth's of Health and Wellness to the Attempting Escapees of the Lardpit."

Attack of the angry garden gnomes

2009-12-02T23:31:00.000-08:00

So it has been a while since I have posted. My excuse?? Ummm.... I fell in the toilet and got stuck. And living off of the dog food that my dog brings me..... Which is a good thing because my cat would just come in to get pet and ended up hording her own food. I'm glad I got unstuck because she was eyeing me like I was a juicy T-Bone and was getting ready to Nom-nom-nom on my rather large toosh once I went to the golden toilet in the sky. Don't believe it? Ummmm..... I have been held captive by angry garden gnomes. They locked me in a room and forced me to play Scattergories with them non-stop for weeks. I don't know why they have something against me. I've never owned a garden gnome in my life. Luckily, while they were arguing over how many points they get, I was able to gnaw through the ropes and escape out of the air duct. (It was a really large air duct.) No?? Damnit! OKAY! Fine! I've been sucked into life and work. *insert sigh here* This life/work thing gets in the way of fun things like writing!

BUT ---- now I'm back. YAY! Did you guys miss me? Oh wait... I think I'm writing just to myself. But that's okay. So I have several things I want to write about, but I will do that in other posts. Before I do that, I'll give you an update.

I finally stepped on the scale. I KNOW! I hate that thing, at least right now I do. And as depressing as this is to admit, I am officially the heaviest I have ever been. However, that doesn't mean that I will stay this way. But here's the good thing: something happened lately. I have been more positive, inspired, and ready to go. You know how you have to have a point where you just get tired of it and decide to change things? Well, I'm there. It took a long time - try a couple of years, but I finally got there.

The other good thing: I bought an elliptical! WOO HOO! Now I can exercise if I want to watch TV or if it is later in the day or in the morning before going to work. YAY! I figure that even if I have it on lower resistance, it's still better than sitting my toosh on the couch! And of course getting a decent workout in 5 days a week. I'm excited!

So how is everyone else doing? Are you gearing up for the holidays? Or letting things go? Let me know!

Birthday food crash! (And helpful tips for the non-20 somethings.)

2009-10-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today! (10/15) And as such, it is allowable to ... how shall we say? .... steer away from the straight and narrow of the weight loss path. Right??

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

I knew you would see it my way.

Now, I am laying on the couch and trying not to think of how full I am. OH! Supernatural is coming on the tv. Be back after.

Man... Jensen and Jared. SO yummy. Okay... sorry. Where was I before the testosterone made me all drool-y and all? Oh right... birthday... and how it gives us the excuse to let loose! Only to dread getting on the scale for the next few days. But I am now officially closer to 40 than I am 30. I should be allowed to let loose a little bit. SO THERE!

What?? I AM NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT MY AGE.

No.... I am not.

Am not.

Am not!!

Am NOT!!!!!

AM NOT!!!!!!

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. But really, the older you get, the harder it is to loose weight. Recently I read an article about women's health on Prevention Magazine's website titled Win at Weight Loss How an exercise pioneer fights over-40 fat, and one of the tips given was:

"Many women think if they can't do an hour of exercise every day, they may as well do nothing," says Nelson. [Miriam Nelson, PhD] But you can see results with far less. Nelson should know--that's how she stays healthy: "There are plenty of days that I have just 10 minutes to fit in a walk. At least once during the week, I get in a run or bike ride. Then on the weekend, I exercise a lot more."

This is a great tip! Especially for those of us who may be able to work out at lunch or right after work, but can't spend 6 hours in the gym. The article goes on to give cardio schedules for different situations, whether you want to break out of a plateau, or lose some inches, etc. Go read it! It might give you some ideas.

Okay ... waddling off to fight the food coma now.

P.S. I may or may not be able to blog in the next few days. Have tons of work that needs to get done pronto. See you guys soon!

Biggest Loser 10/13/09

2009-10-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

Another Biggest Loser! As I sit my toosh on the couch and watch. lol Again - long, long post.

We start off with a temptation. We see a huge wheel ala Wheel of Fortune. And Allison says that they no longer are going to play in duos. They are now: Blue and Black teams! They have to spin the wheel to see who determines the teams and who will be their trainer. She explains that you can spin the wheel and you can land on $1000 or 1000 calories. YIKES! Everyone is playing except Abby. YAY Abby.

Rudy spins first -- and gets the cake slice of 1000 calories!

Rebecca spins - (She WANTS that power!) - 280 calorie chocolate donut

Allen spins - 100 calorie chocolate cupcake

Danny spins - 780 calorie cupcake

Tracey spins - who has won all of the temptations - SHE GOT THE GOLDEN TICKET!

You've got to be kidding me! Coach Mo says that there was something supernatural about this. How the wind picked up when she stepped up to the wheel. It's just crazy. But people are not happy about this. Can't say I am either. Tracey goes off to decide the teams etc.

***Commercial***

People back at the house are talking about what Tracey might do. Amanda is talking about how she is terrified to be taken away from Bob. But Shay says that Tracey may have the power, but they can take it back. That Tracey doesn't have the power to determine how hard they work. And they can work their asses off. Dina talks to Rudy and tells him she is scared that they will be broken up and how much of a support he has been for her.

They congregate to find out what Tracey has decided. And I have to admit Tracey looks a little smug. And all grinny. Then Bob and Jillian walk in - Bob: "And Tracey won? Shocker!" And Jillian can't believe it. And she doesn't look happy!

LMAO - Tracey picks Bob saying that she has a connection. Bob doesn't look happy. Cut to Jillian in interview

"Bob has no connection with Tracey! It's just Tracey's way of getting out of the ass whipping that I have been waiting to deliver her for the last 3 or 4 weeks. All I want to do is pound her within an inch of her life to show her what this place is all about."

Blue Team: Tracey, Coach Mo, Allen, Liz, Rudy, after commercial

Black Team: Daniel, Shay, Abby, Danny, Amanda, after commercial

When Liz gets up to the teams and is terrified that Danny will be in the other team. She says she needs his support and is very emotional. It's hard to not to feel for her. Both Liz and Danny are upset! Amanda gets taken away from Bob. And Bob is actually upset but says that Jillian will take good care of her.

Tracey looks upset because so many people are upset. AND THEN!! Tracey says this in interview...

"Hearing this voice, 'Tracey this is your second chance. You've got to stop pleasing people and you have to please yourself."

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING UP UNTIL NOW?!

***Commercial***

Blue Team: Tracey, Coach Mo, Allen, Liz, Rudy, Rebecca

Black Team: Daniel, Shay, Abby, Danny, Amanda, Dina

So basically Tracey has split up the teams so no one (except her and the orange team) has their partner for support. Bob comforts Rebecca and says that everything will be okay.

Does she not get that she has pissed off the entire house?

Cut to Dina, Danny, and Liz at the house. It shocks me, well, not so much, to hear Liz say

"I told her last night it is so important to keep Danny close to me now. He is my rock in this house now."

Now, it is GAME ON! People are pissed. They are all after blood. Liz is livid. She says she is going to be sweet to her. Watch movies with her. Cook for her. But they are out for blood. "She wants to win? She needs to do it at home."

Bob -- so funny. Talking about how black vs blue it can be stressful. "And what I know what I can do is find some big guy that I can beat up and it makes me feel better." So funny!!

Jillian about the drama: "Nothing like a good beating to snap you back into reality."

Jillian makes Amanda throw up from working out. LOL Amanda "There's my granny apple. I can't believe you made me puke already." Jillian "Well?? I just want you to feel that I care!" LOL

Liz says she is going to kill herself before she goes home before Tracey. You see her on the treadmill and then all you know is that there is a commotion. And you see that Liz has gone down. And you see Bob run over to the treadmills and see Liz laying on the treadmill.

***Commercial***

Liz seems to have passed out. But it seems that she was just working herself too hard and not eating enough before the workout. You see her eating a banana while Bob asks if her head is on straight. Liz: "Oh! My head is on straight" And when Jillian asks what happens when a southern woman gets mad and Liz replies "We get even!" To the enjoyment of everyone around.

Dina starts her workout with Jillian - and it starts with the stool. The exercise where you jump on the stool. And Dina can't seem to make herself do it. (I feel for her, because I can't do back drops on the trampoline.) But instead of doing it, Dina walks out. She is talking about how she wants to be able to depend on herself. And Rudy is very smart saying maybe being split up is what she needed to push herself to the next step. So Rudy says lets go. Let's do it.

Dina goes to try and she doesn't make it. But I can tell you from experience. She isn't trying her hardest. She is half assing it. And Rudy, good boy, is pushing her. "DO it!" And Rudy calls it! "You're trying not to." The blue team goes to go eat. And you see her continue to try. Well, half try.

Trainer tips: (Jillian)

I'm not going to type all of this because dead lifts are important to do with the proper technique. Have a trainer show you how.

"Dead lifts are a great way to strengthen your glutes and hamstrings."

***Commercial***

Bob takes his team to Albertson's grocery store to teach nutrition. They learn what to pick. And they make wraps of Jennie O turkey breast (no skin), lettuce, tomato, sprouts, etc.

Here comes the challenge. "Good players help themselves. Great players help their teammates." And then she goes on to say that sometimes you have to carry others and sometimes they carry you. Can you see where this is headed?? Oh yes. So they have to climb the hill, go through a mud pond, through a field to the finish line. And they have to do it carrying one player. So 4 have to carry 1 that is sitting on a platform. Prize: Videos from home. Abby and Tracey sit out due to injuries. And the teams plan how they are going to do it.

At start, Dina and Rebecca start being carried.

Blue team stops to read before the mud pit.
Black team follows. Amanda loses a shoe in the mud pit. And Dina is happy to carry the team instead of them carrying her. But Shay is having a hard time. So is Daniel. To the point Shay is yelling at him. LOL

There is a message before the commercial about Pink Together. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. And Jillian sent a message about breast cancer and about Pink Together (Pink Together) and tells us that for more information to go to www.biggestloser.com to learn more. I beg of you - go and find out more information on this disease and what you can do. The more you know........

***Commercials***

And Blue Team finishes first!!! And black team follows. They are very happy. But I can't help but feel that Tracey doesn't deserve it. And then Rebecca does a great thing. She knows how important it was for Dina so she gives Dina her video. And they hug and Rebecca says "Now get on the platform." And Dina gives the video back and says "I can't take this. I have to get on the platform for me. Thank you."

Blue Team goes to watch the videos. They are so sweet and you can tell how much it means to them.

Liz asks Danny to watch her video with her. And he says he would be honored. They sit down and she presses play and it is Danny's video. And his reaction is fantastic! It turns out a lot of people in his family have been losing weight. He's already an inspiration! I love those guys.

***Commercial***

Last chance workout!

Jillian: "This is the first week of blue vs. black. *pause* I'm going to kill them."

I love Jillian. And Jillian knows how to bring up the underdogs! And if Tracey didn't realize that, she's stupid. The exercises that Jillian is picking is definitely to make them a team.

Bob takes his team to 24 Hour Fitness to do a group class taught by him. You may think that this is easy peasy. OH NO! You can see the exhaustion. Then they get on the cardio. I didn't realize that Coach Mo is injured but he's on the bike with a cast type of thing.

Then we go to Dina trying to get on the platform. That is clearly her blocking point. And Jillian calls it. They go to get a snack and then "5 miles... just because it will be fun." LOL Love Jillian... as I'm sitting on my couch!

*Trainer Tips: (Bob)

Again - not typing all of it because I want people to know the proper form!!

Push-ups are a great exercise for people who are not able to do a regular push-ups. He goes on to describe wall pushups and desk pushups.

***Commercial*** (Will not put the commercial in for the weigh in.)

WEIGH IN!

Blue Team

Tracey goes first. (Is it bad I want her to do poorly?)

Tracey: -7 (206)

Coach Mo: -6 (312)

Allen: -7 (278)

Rudy: -8 (369)

Rebecca: -7 (237)

Liz: -8 (232) YAY LIZ!

Total: -43; 2.56%

Black team needs to lose -45

Black Team

Abby: -5 (208)

Dina: -6 (223) (I'm feeling nervous.)

Amanda: -6 (224)

Danny: -10 (372)

Daniel: -11 (276)

Shay: (Aww... Shay is crying.) ***commercial*** -16!!!!! (416)

WAY TO GO SHAY!!!!!!!!!

Total: -54; 3.05%

Blue team has to send someone home. Gee.... I'm wondering who that will be..... *scratches chin*

I SO hope it is Tracey!

Liz has the highest percentage of weight loss this week and is immune. YAY LIZ!

I'm horrible --- I hope that it is Tracey. PLEASE let it be Tracey. I can't even stand to hear her talk.

Coach Mo seems to be throwing himself under the bus.

Damn. I really don't want Coach Mo to go home. I want Tracey to go home.

***Commercial***

Voting:

Liz: Coach Mo (wtf??)

Rudy: Coach Mo

Tracey: Coach Mo (duh) (crying bullshit, blah blah)

Rebecca: Coach Mo

WHAT THE F***?!?!?!

And Coach Mo starts crying. And it's killing me. I hate that he's going home. I'm SO pissed off I can't even tell you.

Where are they now:

Started at 355, but now has lost 76 pounds! And now weighs 279. And now he works with educational exercise and nutrition for children. GO COACH MO!

Why I am the way I am....

2009-10-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

Serious Blog Post Warning!

For the most part, I have been pretty athletic in my life. I started playing softball when I was around 10. I played volleyball, but never played for the school team. (Because the coach hated me. No seriously. She did.) And I know that when I say this, you will say "What? You geek. That's not athletic!" But I was on the color guard, aka flagline, in marching band. You may think that it's not athletic, but it really is!

Then in college, I was in Air Force ROTC. (I wanted to be a fighter pilot.) And let me tell you, they don't let you be out of shape. Really. Although, according to them, I was overweight. Yeah... I was a size 8 or 10 at the time, but I was overweight. *sigh* I also was on the crew (aka rowing) team/club.

But then came the first point in my life that I was truly overweight - when I was in an unhappy marriage. Yeah.. I know. It was stupid to get married at age 21. Some people can do it! I wasn't one of them. And he was a *BLEEP*. :D Then, after the divorce, miracle of miracles! I lost the weight. I started watching what I was eating and going to the gym. It was great! When I lived in Arizona, I stayed in shape by going to the gym and watching the food intake. I got involved with Krav Maga (Israeli Self-defense/fighting technique). Now that was addictive! I practically lived there.

But then...... grad school. Dun dun DUN!!! At first it was okay. Really, it was. And then...... the grad student that was my prof's kicking bag was kicked out of grad school by said professor. And guess who got the crap end of the stick? Oh you guessed it! ME! Keep in mind that I can handle hard work. The work didn't bother me. Getting abused by my professor did. It was seriously like an abusive relationship, but instead of being able to say "Kiss my @$$ buddy, there's the door!", I had to take it. My choices were 1) To give up everything I had worked for since I was 12 years old, but be happy. Or 2) Grit my teeth and push through it all, but be miserable and possibly lose myself in the process. I chose to stay and get my degree. And I have to be honest. There are days that I don't know if it was worth it.

That experience changed me and not in a good way. Every day, I had questioned whether I was going to get yelled at, never knowing what was going to set him off. And I'm not talking just yelling. I'm talking the inch away from my face where spit actually hit me, threatening kind of yelling. Not to mention that there were times I thought I was going to have to physically defend myself. Then there was the verbal abuse. Even other professors were shocked at what he would say to me. (He didn't care if he had an audience or not. After all, what could happen to him?) It was at a point where if we had one-on-one meetings, I would tape record the conversations just in case something happened, I would have proof.

And that was when I stopped working out and started eating. I think why I became overweight and why I still remain overweight boils down to a few factors. 1) Being unhappy. I used to cry all of the time. It was a miserable place to be in my life, and I still feel traces of it now. 2) Lack of confidence. I allowed him to destroy any confidence I had in myself. To the point where I still have trouble speaking up about my professional opinion. 3) Being overweight gives me a great excuse to not put myself out there and to stay in my comfort zone. And 4) And probably the most important: He took away any control I had in my life. That is a very, very scary thing for me.

The problem is, I'm still not over it. I know I went through all of that for years before I could get out, and that I should realize that it is going to take me a while to work through those issues. But the fact of the matter is, I have to. If I want to get control back in my life, I have to work through these issues, grab the reins, and guide myself back on track.

So that's a shortened (Did I really say it was short? HA!) version of why I got to the place that I am. Now... I just have to confront my demons and push forward.

Really? They had to do a study to know this?

2009-10-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

I just read a short article about women's health titled Troubled Minds Can Mean Wider Waistlines that stated...

"Common mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, may increase a person's risk of obesity, and people with repeated episodes of these disorders are particularly at risk, British researchers say."

Really? They needed to do a 19 year study on if depression and anxiety lead to obesity?? I think everyone knows that a large percentage of people eat when they are sad or anxious. That's a given fact. But the good thing that came out of it was that they also found..

"Contrary to some previous research, this new study found little evidence that obesity leads to common mental health disorders in people with no pre-existing mental health problems, wrote Mika Kivimaki, of University College London, and colleagues."

Well, that's definitely good news!

I think that we all should examine what caused us to get to be overweight in the first place. I read a few blogs (will insert links in an edit) that looked at causes of their being overweight. And I've decided to bear all (not literally - don't want to make anyone sick!) about what caused me to be overweight in the first place. Maybe once I confront it head on, I'll be able to move on. Here's hopin'!

Shopping, or as I like to call it, the descent into hell.

2009-10-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

You know, I used to love to go shopping. It was great to walk into work or go out with friends with a new outfit and just feel like you rock! I literally have a closet full of clothes in my smaller size. Cute clothes... all lined up, ready to be worn. I can almost hear them say "Maybe today she will be thin!" Then I open the door, "Nope. Stand down! Still the same as always. Anyone got some cards? We're going to be here for a while."

*sigh*

Shopping now?? I stay away as long as humanly possible. I could have frayed jeans with holes and everything and still think, "I could get away with that for another week or so." Because let's face it, no one wants to go into a store, grab clothes that they think are their size, only to find out that when you try those jeans on, they won't go past your knees. Or you try to button that blouse and it looks like there are small keyhole openings all the way down the buttoned seam. It's just too much to take!!

Now when I go shopping, I can be pretty good about picking my sizes so that doesn't happen too much. But there are a couple of other things that happen when out shopping. One: What is it with designers thinking that everyone who is overweight has no sense of fashion?! I have to say, it has gotten better, but they are still out there! Is it so much to ask to try to make my boobs not look like two mountains? And to de-accentuate the fact that I have a shelf-ass? (Def: Shelf-ass. A type of shape of a person's derriere. In this such case, the shape of the buttocks creates the form of a shelf. Useful for setting down items, such as drinks, cell phones, or a television remote, in one's possession if no table is around.) And it is always interesting when the store attendants try to tell you that it looks great on you --- when you know that it doesn't.

Okay, I need to cut this short but let me just say: No matter if I have had bad experiences shopping or good experiences, the fact is that I can't wait to be excited to go shopping again! I want to wear my current cute clothes and go shopping for new ones. And I can't wait to wear my small jeans again.

But you have a pretty face... and other wanna be compliments...

2009-10-08T02:47:00.000-07:00

I am sure that at some point, all of us have run into those people... you know the ones I'm talking about. The people who really mean well, who want to give you a compliment. But it just turns out all wrong. The ones that intend to make you feel better, but make you want to find the nearest gas oven and measure it to see if your head fits in. There are all types of half compliments, but the one that drive me nuts?

"You have such a pretty face."

Now, I'm aware that people mean this as a great compliment. But what it really means?

"You're face is pretty, but the rest of you is complete crap."

I swear, if I hear that one more time, I am going to strangle someone. Or come up with really weird things to compliment like "Those sunglasses make your nose look so much smaller." or "Your new bra really hides the sagginess." or "The jeans you have on today make you have a much smaller muffintop!" They are compliments! Just in a weird, psychotic, make-you-second-guess-your-appearance kind of way.

My question: Have you had 'compliments' like that? Did you ever say anything about it and if so, what did you say? (And bonus points if the other person responded with 'shock face.')

Biggest Loser 10/6/09

2009-10-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

Some people may know this but I am a fan of the Biggest Loser show. I love seeing people work and reach their goals. I'm going to start giving my take on the show and what goes on. I will follow the intro with a jump break so if you don't want spoilers, don't read below.

Caveat: I may forget some names or misspell them. Also, this is going to be one LONG post. Beware!

Last week:

The big brew ha ha was Tracey. The first thing that happened was during a temptation(??). The deal was, you could have a 2 pound advantage the following weigh in but you wouldn't be able to use the trainers at all that week. Tracey took it with 2 pounds. My problem was that she made the decision without consulting her team member. (Keep in mind that he saved her tail the first week when she was in the hospital.)

Then, she won the temptation where she could decide who weighed in for each team. The biggest issue here was that she promised one thing, and would do another. She really screwed over a bunch of people. And lost their trust. She just shot herself, and possibly her teammate, in the foot.

At the beginning of the show, you see the orange team and the purple team talking. All I can think is that Tracey is really trying to justify herself. And seriously, it sounds like she is believing her own lies.

One thing that I really love is that Jillian kept asking "Why did you get to 400 pounds?" And forcing them to look at the why. And when Julio said that he was happy, Jillian wouldn't let him have it. And was completely up front that you don't get to be overweight if you are happy. And that's the truth! (Speaking from experience.) I'm SO glad that she does that. Part of her goal can be said: "What I try to do is bring up old issues for the contestants and make them work those issues through so that in their every day lives, they'll be prepared." Love her!!

The only failure you will truly ever have is not trying. There's got to come a point where there's nothing else to lose man. You've just gotta jump. You've got to take the risk." --Jillian Michaels

*** Commercial***

Another setback for Tracey. Now, she pissed me off last week beyond belief, but I do feel for her and her injuries. The first week, during the first challenge, she suffered severe heat stroke and was in the hospital for a week. And now it seems that her blood work numbers have gotten worse and she is taken off all exercise.

RUT RO!! The kitchen is chained up this week! Which means that they have to eat out every day. They have a challenge... to pick the healthiest chicken dinner. And they are asking smart questions! Chicken with skin or without? Does the bbq sauce have sugar? How was this prepared? What kind of milk is that? Excellent questions. It broke down to half of the teams picking the bbq chicken dinner and half picking the roasted chicken dinner.

I picked the roasted chicken dinner. Let's see if I was right....

***Commercial***

WOO HOO!!!!! I picked correctly! Oh lord.. part 2: how many calories were in dinner A. I have no idea. Brown team guesses 547. Pink team guesses 385. Orange team guesses 475. The actual calories were: 445 calories. Pink team wins! What did they get?? A kitchen full of healthy food for an entire year! That's awesome.

Now here's an interesting tidbit and something that people don't think about. They are ordering out and picking very good healthy choices. The meals come and it is somewhat a disaster. Bagel chips come with meals. Cheese added when they specifically said no cheese. Julio said 'No Melon' because he is allergic, but there's melon all over his chicken. It's hard to eat out! Because they never get it right. And they never think of these things.

Trainer Tips: Jillian
If you love your mashed potatoes... those starchy, not good for you, white potatoes, replace it with cauliflower. Similar texture and taste and good for you!

***Commercial***

The contestants explain to Bob and Jillian what the challenge is this week. So they decide to take them out to a restaurant to teach them how to order off the menu. They go to a mexican restaurant. OH HOLY COW! I would not survive! LOL First things first: say no thank you to the chips. That would be hard. (Bread, etc. should be denied as well.) Becka talks about why she wants to lose the weight. "I want to have a family. I don't want to raise a family like I did. I want to break the cycle. I don't want to be the pretty face anymore. I want to be what everyone else sees in me." I feel her because I get that ALL the time. "But you have a pretty face." And it isn't meant as a put down, they are meaning it as a compliment. But what it means is that "Your face is pretty, but the rest of you is crap." Because when they say "You are pretty." that's when you feel good. There's no conditions on it.

YAY Shay! She sent her food back because it looked like there was grease in her food. And she says "They want you to enjoy your food and the experience. Don't feel bad for sending something back!" LOL Jillian "Never forget your calorie counter book!!" Yes ma'am! :)

Trainer Tips: (Bob)
When going out to eat: just remember to plan ahead. Get on their online menu and plan ahead to avoid temptation.
Avoid anything sauteed or pan-fried. Instead go for grilled, steamed, baked, broiled, or poached
Ask questions about things on the menu. If they can't tell you how it is prepared, stay away!

***Commercial***

WATER CHALLENGE!!! And they are playing for immunity! They have to hang onto a handle the longest. The platform that they are on will incrementally get steeper. Note from me: This would suck for me. Because my grip strength sucks

Liz from the brown team goes first, followed by Danny. Brown team is out.

Amanda from the pink team goes out.

Rudy from the blue team goes.

Allen looks like he is in for the duration!!!

Rebecca makes both pink team members out.

Dina brings the blue team out.

BUT SHAY IS HANGING ON! Go Shay!

Coach Mo goes out. So it leaves:

Allen, Shay, Julio, Daniel

Shay goes for 10 minutes! Then Julio. Leaving it between Allen and Daniel.

***Commerical***

And the winner is......

DANIEL AND THE ORANGE TEAM

Great job!! I am so happy for the orange team. Daniel started out at 454 pounds last season. And was eliminated the this week last season. Go Daniel and Shay!

Last chance workout!

Rudy is having trouble here. But Jillian isn't having any of it. Jillian is the type that you call her names like "antichrist" and "satan spawn" in your head. But you love her after everything is over. Everyone is getting their butts kicked. You see the pain on their faces. You can do it!

Cut to: Tracey sitting inside. Very frustrating. Coach Mo: Love you for pushing yourself as hard as you can! But his body gives out.

Last view: Coach Mo saying "I'm done man. I'm done. I'm done." In obvious pain. Cut to Bob shaking his head. Not sure if it is in frustration that he thinks someone is giving up or the fact that Coach Mo is in pain.

***Commercial***

Bob sees that Coach Mo is in the scared stage. And during that, the injuries feel worse. Bob has a talk with Coach Mo about doing what is best for you. And Coach Mo goes back in to the gym and gets on the bike. :)

"I've got to change my life. That's why I'm here." Coach Mo.

Weigh In:

Orange Team (Immune): Daniel 0 (287) Shay -5 (432) (Game play?)

Green Team: Allen -7 (285) Abby -3 (213): 1.97%

Blue Team: Rudy -11 (377) Dina -5 (229): 2.57%

Brown Team: Danny -8 (382) Liz -3 (240): 1.74%

Purple Team: Coach Mo -8 (318) Tracey -4 (213): 2.21% Safe from elimation. Shay is pissed!

Black Team: Julio -4 (364): 1.09%

Pink Team: Amanda -5 (230) Rebecca -4 (248): 1.86%

Leaving the Black Team and the Brown Team up for elimination. I have to say that I love the brown team. And I don't want to see either go home.

***Commerical***

This is going to be an emotional elimination. Because Danny, Liz, and Julio seem to be great friends. As hey put it, worst case scenario. You see them leave the room and cut to them in a group hug in the kitchen. You see how people are split down the middle but it looks like people are considering that the Brown team would vote others out in a heartbeat and that they could get two people out at once. So we shall see.

***Commercial***

Voting:

Orange Team: Julio

Blue Team: Liz & Danny

Green Team: Julio

Purple Team: Julio

Pink Team: Not needed

So Julio goes home. He says that he has a lot of people who love him at home and that they will not let him quit. He's ready to see his family. A lot of tearful goodbyes.

"Sometimes in life, you need a jump start. You just need something different. It is a rare opportunity to be able to do something as big as this, and to put your face out there, and to risk everything. I want to say thank you to everyone associated with this show. Life will be different from this point forward and I'm thankful for it." - Julio

From 407 to 299, he looks looking great! He's working hard. And he's recommending fresh food without all of the additives. He still loves cooking and food. He's just making it different. His goal: Losing a total of 200 lbs by the finale! Good luck Julio!

10 Reasons I Need to Lose Weight

2009-10-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, the question is why? Why do I want to lose weight? So I can buy cute clothes? Of course. In case I run into Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, I want to look hot. Uh.. YEAH! But that's not all. Here are my top ten reasons for wanting to lose weight.

10. So when I look at pictures, I won't want to bang my head against the desk, throw up, or cry.

9. Because I want to wear my cute skinny jeans not my big ole bags that are loosely called pants.

8. I might get asked out on a date???

7. I love the beach. And I'd prefer not to look like an elephant seal when I go. Plus, the icky sardines people throw at me smell really bad.
6. I love to travel. But two problems: 1) The size of airplane seats. And 2) Some of the things I want to do, I can't physically do. Like hike up a mountain, climb over ruins, grab the cabana boy and...... well.... ummmm..... yeah.

5. I miss having the confidence to even walk down the street. Or just be comfortable in my own skin. Confidence is key and I have none right now.
4. I would LOVE to be able to go up the stairs without huffing and puffing all the way up. And not be able to catch my breath at the top.

3. Heath factors are definitely high. If I don't do something, it could lead to type II diabetes, heart problems, etc. My father had both of those and I tend to follow in his medical trends.

2. I want to do field work! In the Mojave, picture my friends on the next dune ahead of me, and Mary Beth at the crest of Kelso Dunes. Me? Taking the picture from behind because I couldn't get my fat butt over the next dune.

1. I currently tend to not want people to see me like this. I almost let it keep me from seeing one of my best friends at Christmas in 2007. (And would have if he hadn't been so stubborn.) That was the last time I saw him, he passed away October of 2008. I almost kept myself from hanging out with a friend because I was so concerned about my weight. I don't want that to happen again.

Why you should eat regularly....

2009-10-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

You should eat regularly. If you don't?? This is what happens:

OH YES!

Little for breakfast -- going on three o'clock for lunch. I was STARVING. What sounded good?? In-N-Out! But boy it definitely was good.

Wait -- did I just slide down into that lard again??

The one thing I can't live without....

2009-10-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

I have tried to give up this habit before. And once, I made it a whole MONTH without succumbing to its deliciousness. But the one thing I can not do with out....

My venti iced caramel latte.

Honestly? I think they may add crack to their coffee. Or some throw some coca leaves in with the coffee beans to be ground up. Something highly addictive.... like heroin. Yup. Heroin. There's heroin in Starbucks' coffees. That must be the reason I can not resist.

And if I'm having a day I can't wake up? I'll have TWO in one day! 270 Calories per cup! Although, you have to cut me some slack. I used to drink venti ice mocha lattes. Ummmmmmm..... yeah.... I just looked it up... A venti iced mocha latte with nonfat milk and no whipped cream is 250 calories. I thought it was more. Really. Here's the kicker... with whipped cream, it increased to 370 calories!! 120 Calories for whipped cream?? No thank you.

I know that if I want to really get serious with this, I have to give up my lattes. But to be honest, if I do, it's harder for me to stay on track. But I will attempt it. Really... I'll try.

There's a whole in my heart where my iced latte used to be...

My world seems so dark now......

;) My question is: what is the one thing you can NOT give up in your weight loss journey and why?

In the beginning.....

2009-10-01T01:53:00.000-07:00

First of all, I need to give credit for the title to two people. One is my friend Jennie, who thought of the lard pit. It's so apropos. :) She rocks! And let me give credit for the "Fabbity Fab Confessions" part of my title. It comes from a British young adult series chronically the trying times of teen Georgia Nicholson, of which I read "And That's When it Came off in my Hand: Further Fabbity Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicholson" by Louise Rennison. (Very funny by the way.)

Because I couldn't say everything I wanted to in the blog description, I'll expand it to what I wanted to say. :)

Yes, we all know how hard weight loss can be. Kind of like... climbing out of a pit of lard. I know in my case, lard could give me some great camouflage. But really, how healthy could it be to live in a lard pit? And it's bad for your skin too. It is easy to say "I think I'll get out now. I don't want get my skin all pruny." But actually doing it - actually climbing out is a whole different story. In fact, it can be quite torturous. You start out by getting a good handhold. Determination sets in your eyes, you get that pursed mouth of single-minded resolve, and you climb those first inches out of the pit. You're feeling good... but then.... the Evil King of the Fajitas and Chips and Salsa rears his ugly head! Taunting you... tempting you... reminding you how nice it was in lard-land. And you slip back down a few inches. It's so hard to keep a grip! Lard is, after all, very slippery. NO! I will not give in to the evil sizzling platter of chicken and peppers! I will ignore that never-ending basket of salty chip goodness! Okay.. maybe just one. *slides further* And for every step you take out of the lard pit, you slide a little back.

But the real issue is this. . . why did you dive into the lard pit anyway? (Or slowly, gradually slide into its depths.) What happens when you get out? What will your new reality be? After all, you really don't have to deal with many people as they don't like wading through the lard pit with you. You will have to put yourself out there -- once you shower and get the stinky gobs of goo off of you. (Really - lard doesn't do anything for hair either. (Very greasy.) That nice safe comfort zone of lard is gone. Will you have to actually deal with people then? Oh no... and heaven forbid you go on a date. *gasp*

But the reward is this: You will feel amazing. Powerful. Energetic. And those things that scare you now, won't scare you after. You just have to keep one foot in front of the other. No matter what happens, just keep going. (By the way, when I say 'you', I mean me. :) )

And to this purpose, I want to write this blog about my journey into the forays of weight loss. My successes... and failures. (Trust me, there will be many!) I want to talk about my diet and my exercise. I want to discuss what is keeping me from jumping back into it, and what it will take to get past it. I want to document how differently people treat me as an overweight person and how it changes as I lose weight. So, are we ready? (And I promise, I'll try to keep the horrible pictures down to a minimum. ha ha)

Jules

Climbing Out ofthe Lard Pit

Reunions... *insert sigh here*

Sooooooo..... a year and *cough cough* pounds later.....

I'm sorry!!!

Day 117 - PhillyD and Project Lose an Olsen Twin

Day 115 - LHA Weigh In - and Holy Cow I'm Alive!

Day 98??? - Losing track of days

July 4 - Reading the Declaration

Day 87 - One more thing to add to my 'Do No Eat' list

Day 86 - I have a confession to make.

Day 84 - LHA Weigh In Day

Day 83 - I've got a theory.... it could be bunnies!

Day 82 - I think I live on the Hellmouth...

Day 78 - LHA Update and Odds and Ends

Day 76 - Note to the unwise (ME)... aka The Work Shoes from Hell

Day 69 - Taking a moment from science writing...

Day 57 - New workouts! Guaranteed to train you to seduce your man, or beat him up!

Day 56 - I'm back! And does it really take 21 days to change a habit???

Day 47 - Being sick sure puts a damper on blogging!

Day 38 - How did that work exactly...

Day 36 - 3...2...1... PAIN

Day 35 - My Long Hot Active Summer Challenge

Day 33 - Exercise and me. A story of ellipticals, yoga, and getting stuck in uncomfortable positions.

Day 27 - Feeling the need to tell a funny story

Day 25 - And it all leads back to......

Day 23 - I just signed up for what???

Day 22 - And the elliptical saga continues...

Day 21 - Chubby buddy or Chubby competition??

Day 19 - Something to think about.

Day 16 - Scales are inconsequential... maybe

Day 15 - What the ****ing h***?!?!

Day 14 - Fat Americans No more!

Day 13 - Lean Cuisine Pizza is made by Satan.

Day 12 - And the scale addiction....

Day 11 - Weekend Antics

Day 9 - Holy s***balls Moments - Part 2

Holy s***balls moments - Part 1

Day 8 - Weigh in Day. Are you kidding me?!

Day 6 - And the battle against stress eating

I'm FREE!! I'm FREE!!! - Day 5

Karma and the 12-inch stride from hell...

Erik Chopin: Confessions of a Reality Show Loser

Another article: Taming PMS. Can you tame that kind of thing??

Diet Busters: Or as I refer to them.. heaven on a stick

Wait... what? I have no excuse now?

Jennie's Advice

Attack of the angry garden gnomes

Birthday food crash! (And helpful tips for the non-20 somethings.)

Biggest Loser 10/13/09

Why I am the way I am....

Really? They had to do a study to know this?

Shopping, or as I like to call it, the descent into hell.

But you have a pretty face... and other wanna be compliments...

Biggest Loser 10/6/09

10 Reasons I Need to Lose Weight

Why you should eat regularly....

The one thing I can't live without....

In the beginning.....

Reunions... insert sigh here

Sooooooo..... a year and cough cough pounds later.....

Day 15 - What the **ing h*?!?!