Karma and the 12-inch stride from hell...

I'm thinking that the universe is trying to tell me something...

Remember how I told you that I got an elliptical trainer?  Works great, except I can't move the stride lengths because the pin mechanism is broken.  I called.  After about 1/2 hour trying to explain that a brand new machine shouldn't be broken, they sent me the replacement parts and had a gentleman *cough* not-so-gentlemanly *uncough* call me to tell me to call him when I get the parts.

Parts came.

One out of three were backordered.

Still haven't gotten the parts, nor have I had my elliptical fixed.

It's karma.  I finally go to do something good and healthy for me, and what happens? It's broken.  Maybe I did something bad and it's the universes way of telling me what a horrible person I am....  Maybe the swearing and yelling at people on the highway to and from work has come back to bite me in the ass. Maybe it's the revelry I had in daydreaming about my ex-graduate adviser waking up with a missing penis, which shouldn't be too bad since it has to be extremely tiny in the first place.  Or maybe it was the wishing that the woman at the store who was incredibly mean to me got her comeuppance for which she had to grovel at my feet and beg my forgiveness.

Whatever it was, it came back and slapped me down!

Okaaaaaaaaay.... so it doesn't mean that I can't use it.  It's set on the 12" stride which works your quads. But let's be honest here.  After about 1 minute on that setting, and my legs are screaming "What the hell?!?!  Nothing for three years and now this??  Have you started doing drugs or something??"  Sadly, no, I can't blame my self torture on drugs of any kind.  And I'm sure that in some strange parallel universe there's the anti-me who is happy to have this problem and is on the elliptical 10 hours a day, happy as a clam. But this is my universe and the elliptical isn't getting much action.

But!  I vow from this moment to stop grumbling at the brokeness of my elliptical, and ignore the complaints of my quads, and get back up and going.  I'll let you know how it goes. :D

Erik Chopin: Confessions of a Reality Show Loser

I am only 8 minutes into this show and felt the overwhelming urge to write a commentary about this show.  

For those of you who don't know, Erik Chopin (Erik Chopin's Webpage) was the Season 3 Biggest Loser winner.  He was awesome - and looked pretty hot, I might add! :)  He weighed in at 407 lbs at the beginning of Biggest Loser and finished at 193 lbs.  

But now he's crept back up to 368.2 lbs.  He recently decided to be up front with his struggle on shows like Oprah and Biggest Loser's "Where are they now?" recap show.

And tonight he was on a short documentary called "Confessions of a Reality Show Loser."  He was really candid about his struggles with weight especially after the show.  I can almost feel what he must be feeling because I, too, thought "I will never put this weight back on again." And where am I? Back to my highest weight ever.


There are a few things that he talked about on a new documentary  that I wanted to cover.

The part that got me frustrated enough to start this commentary was his wife's reaction.  She started crying and saying things like "I can't go through this again." and "I'm sorry. I feel bad for you."  I know that she just wants her husband to be happy. I understand that. I really do.  But some of the things she said made my jaw drop and wince a bit.  I know that she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but if someone said those things to me, it would have made me feel horrible inside.


But I wish she heard what he said when he said that he didn't want to live and she asked why... he said "Cause I can't figure out what else I should be doing on this planet."  And I'm right there with him.  Weight issues are always about something else besides food.  Sometimes it is about not knowing what is really your passion in life, and feeling like you are trapped in a life that you don't really want. (My words, not his.)

 AH HA! I was right.  He had sold his business while doing the promotion with the Biggest Loser.  And when the money he won and the money from endorsements dwindled, he had to find a job, which meant that he ended up working for/with his dad.  This job he says he doesn't hate but....  like I said, there's no passion.  With that came depression.  With depression comes weight gain. Yeah... I don't know anything about that.  Nope. Not a bit. *cough*  *looking for lightning to strike me down* MOVIN' ON!

 Erik's mom is kind of busting his chops about people asking her about him and "Is he keeping the weight off?" etc.  Followed up by "I have a busy schedule, and I find the time."  And the next part??  What did she cook for them? BABY BACK RIBS!! What the hell?!?!  You can not bust him for weight gain and then feed him baby back ribs. Because..... "It's Sunday." and that's a special day so it should be okay. 

Of course, this has had a toll on their marriage.  The intimacy has gone down, which again, I understand. But I also understand that when his wife and his mother tried to approach him about, it "was not well received" and that he did some head biting. Again, been there, done that. 

The counselor just asked him if he could make a commitment to making different choices, and Erik said "I know the right answer, but I also know... it will be so f'ing hard." (He did say eff-ing, not the actual f-word.)  He knows, and I know, that making the healthy decisions makes you feel fantastic. But when you see how many pounds you have to lose, it becomes almost debilitating when you think about it. 

But the biggest part was admitting that you let yourself become like this and actually own up to it.

Okay, going to post this and if there's anything else, I'll come back and edit. Later taters!

Another article: Taming PMS. Can you tame that kind of thing??

So again... was reading an article on Jillian Michaels.com about Five Tips for Taming PMS.  Wait.... how do they know I'm in the midst of PMS??  What do they know??  Do they have cameras in my apartment seeing me fight (and sometimes not successfully) wanting to eat everything in sight? Do they know I'm in the ravages of PMS this very second??  How did they know I needed to know how to tame my PMS??  Maybe they are psychic.......

ANYWAY -- to pass on this helpful advice: here is what they suggest for keeping the big, bad PMS monster away. (Straight from the above link. My comments are in italics.)

1. Exercise! You may not want to, but get in your workout anyway. The endorphin rush will help relieve cramps and raise your levels of serotonin, a mood-lifting neurotransmitter. Damnit... how do they know what I least want to do when PMSing. ha ha  But I do have the elliptical for a reason.  I really shouldn't have gotten it... no excuses now. :)
   
2. Get some R&R. Adequate sleep and less stress will put you in a better hormonal position to handle the physiological imbalance that PMS brings.  Oh sleep...  how I love thee. But being part vampire (i.e. being a night owl who loves to stay up late) makes getting enough sleep kind of hard. But I do love my sleep. And I will find a way!
3. Cut out most alcohol, caffeine, and salt. Alcohol can exacerbate feelings of depression, so steer clear. Reducing caffeine may minimize breast tenderness and irritability, and cutting salt can reduce bloat. Alcohol, salt *gasp*, and... and... CAFFEINE?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *falls to her knees and shakes her fist at the sky* Why hast thou forsaken me?!
4. Minimize simple sugars. Ideally, you're doing this all the time, but it's especially important before your period. Simple sugars may increase inflammation, making cramps worse. Eating regular meals and snacks with fiber and protein will help keep your blood sugar stable, which is a lot better for those raw nerves than blood-sugar swings.  *her hand holding chocolate (100 calorie pack) stops midway to her mouth* *puts it down*  What?? What chocolate? *throws it behind her* I don't see any chocolate.  . . . Crap.. now I have to clean chocolate off of white walls.
   
5. Consider supplements. Calcium may reduce symptoms of PMS, so shoot for at least 1,200 mg a day. Magnesium is also helpful, as are B complex vitamins. To reduce the inflammation of cramps and breast tenderness, try a primrose-oil supplement; it's a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory that may work in ways similar to ibuprofen.  I don't think they make supplements for what I have.  Seriously...

So there you go.  I hope that these tips help you guys as much as it will help me. .... I hope. Later taters!

Diet Busters: Or as I refer to them.. heaven on a stick

I was reading an article on Everyday Health about holiday diet busters.  And someone of them made me cringe with the knowledge of exactly how bad they were for me.  Others, it didn't bother me so much.  I thought I would go through the list with you all and share in my misery ... and make you guys as hungry as it made me. :)  But keep in mind, at the above link, they give you other options instead of the butt enlarging, thigh engourging items below.

1.  Au Bon Pain Carrot Walnut Spice Muffin.  Call me crazy but anything with the word "pain" in it has to be kind of bad. I mean, I know it's french and all, but I don't want anything from a place that has that word in it.  But here's the kicker... that amazing, soft, delicious muffin??  550 calories, 24 grams of fat!!  Wait... my butt just got bigger. Crap.

2.  Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Chip Muffin:  Again, another one that I can live without.  I think that there's a muffin consipiracy.  Really. Think about it.  When you think of muffin, you think "Didn't our forefathers eat muffins all the time??  They were good hardy stock!"  It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.... but then you find out that the item you relied on is 590 calories and 24 grams of fat.  That's tantamount to going on the perfect date, having a little bit too much wine, bringing the guy home just to wake up alone with some money on the nightstand. *sigh*  Not that that's happened to me.  Seriously.

3.  Mrs. Fields Semi-Sweet Chocolate & Walnuts Cookie:  I would just like to say, my cookies would kick Mrs. Fields' cookies in the butt.  Just sayin'.  But here's the deal.. 310 calories and 16 grams of fat. Mine certainly doesn't have that many calories and fat in them.  I take the calories out. *cough* *choke* *looks for lightning to strike her dead*  Actually, their recommendation is Chocolate Chip Cookies made with part apple sauce. I hear it's pretty good. Check the above link.

4. Krispy Kreme Glazed Creme Filled Doughnut - 360 calories, 19 grams of fat. Again, something I can live without.  Doughnuts have never been a big deal for me. Although, if someone brings them to work and there's all that luscious glaze just calling my name.... I do generally give in.

5.  Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Moo'd - 860 calories, 21 grams of fat.  I have to say, I have never had one of these. I personally prefer the Strawberries Wild (250 Calories).  But they have to menu and nutritional info out up front so you can peruse until you find something that you like and fits your calorie count. :)

6.  Cinnabon Classic Roll - Now I know what you are all saying.  "But it's CINNABON!  Isn't it at least no calories when you are stuck in the airport and you are smelling all of that Cinnabon-iness??"  But no... sorry.  Even the airport Cinnabon will deliver you 730 calories, 24 grams of fat. I know.  But try to resist.  Put the earplugs you brought for the flight in your nose, and you won't smell it!

7.  Starbucks Grande White Chocolate Mocha - 480 calories, 20 grams of fat (with whole milk).  There are LOTS of fixes for this.  First, go to the Starbucks online menu and nutritional info.  Pick out the drink best for you.  First off, go with skim milk and no whipped cream.  But here's something I have been doing lately: Buy the Starbucks "Via" packets.  They are instant coffee packets but taste GREAT! I add a package of hot chocolate with it and VOILA! Cafe Mocha! Woo hoo!

So there ya go!!  

Wait... what? I have no excuse now?

DAMNIT! Foiled again!

I got my elliptical today. WOO HOO! Although now, all excuses for not getting cardio in are voided. But that's okay.  I put it together myself over the course of a few hours. And I was really excited.... but it was too good to last.  My elliptical has an adjustable stride length.  The kind were you pull the pin and adjust the bars.  But I went to adjust it.  So I pulled the pin... and I pulled... and pulled harder... got down on the floor and braced my feet against the machine and pulled with two arms.  NOTHING! 

My brand new NordicTrack elliptical is broken. *sigh*  But they are sending the part out and a technician. But I have to wait another week.  That's incredibly annoying.  No?

But I can now get cardio in while watching TV which I think it way cool.

Jennie's Advice

I recently discussed weight loss/exercise with a friend of mine, Jennie.  Jennie has a claim to fame on this blog by coming up with the title "Climbing out of the Lard Pit."  She's a funny gal!

Now, I have never considered Jennie overweight in the slightest, but she has been taking health and exercise quite seriously. She has some major self will and determination!  I wanted to ask her, since she has a rockin' post- *garbled mumbled age* body, what her regiment was and if she had any tips for me.

The first thing she said, and I totally agree, is that you have to make the decision.  I know that is the reason I was unwilling and unable to do anything about my weight before this.  I just hadn't gotten to the place where I was ready to do it.  Get your mind in the right place, and it will happen from there.

One tool that Jennie found extremely helpful for her and suggested for me is Livestrong's "The Daily Plate."  I took a look at it and it really is a great website tool.  It allows you enter how many pounds a week you want to lose and it calculates how many calories you need eat for that weight loss.  (Just don't put in 10 pounds for a week okay?)  You can track the foods you eat and get your calorie count for the day  - - which forced some accountability on you too. (As long as you don't "forget" to add that donut you had at this office. ha ha) You can enter any exercise that you do to find out how many calories you actually burned.  And the best part is that it's free.  YAY!  Something worthwhile that you don't have to pay for. Isn't that something?? :)

Something that worked for Jennie is the dreaded 'no eating after 8pm.'  That's a hard thing to do for night owls like us!  Also, if you need a snack during the day, pick something like one package of light string cheese (60 calories), or a piece of fruit or a veggie.  That is much better than chips out of the vending machine (even if they are baked chips).

For exercise, when she's not hitting the gym hardcore, she suggests an 1 1/2 hours at the gym.  I didn't write this down but I think that is an hour of cardio and 1/2 hour of weights.  When she's hitting the gym hardcore, it can be anything from yoga to weight training to cardio classes to treadmill, etc.  And if I'm correct, I believe she hits the gym twice a day when she's hardcore.  Let me tell ya -- this woman has some determination!!  Did I mention she runs marathons too?  I know... I think she's crazy too. :)  But what can I say? I like crazy people.

And so ends Volume 1 of "Fabbity Fab Advice from the Dr. Ruth's of Health and Wellness to the Attempting Escapees of the Lardpit."

Attack of the angry garden gnomes

So it has been a while since I have posted. My excuse?? Ummm.... I fell in the toilet and got stuck. And living off of the dog food that my dog brings me.....  Which is a good thing because my cat would just come in to get pet and ended up hording her own food.  I'm glad I got unstuck because she was eyeing me like I was a juicy T-Bone and was getting ready to Nom-nom-nom on my rather large toosh once I went to the golden toilet in the sky.  Don't believe it?  Ummmm..... I have been held captive by angry garden gnomes. They locked me in a room and forced me to play Scattergories with them non-stop for weeks.  I don't know why they have something against me.  I've never owned a garden gnome in my life.  Luckily, while they were arguing over how many points they get, I was able to gnaw through the ropes and escape out of the air duct.  (It was a really large air duct.)  No?? Damnit!  OKAY!  Fine!  I've been sucked into life and work.  *insert sigh here*  This life/work thing gets in the way of fun things like writing!

 BUT ---- now I'm back. YAY!  Did you guys miss me? Oh wait... I think I'm writing just to myself.  But that's okay.  So I have several things I want to write about, but I will do that in other posts.  Before I do that, I'll give you an update.

I finally stepped on the scale.  I KNOW!  I hate that thing, at least right now I do.  And as depressing as this is to admit, I am officially the heaviest I have ever been.  However, that doesn't mean that I will stay this way.  But here's the good thing: something happened lately.  I have been more positive, inspired, and ready to go.  You know how you have to have a point where you just get tired of it and decide to change things?  Well, I'm there.  It took a long time - try a couple of years, but I finally got there.

The other good thing: I bought an elliptical!  WOO HOO! Now I can exercise if I want to watch TV or if it is later in the day or in the morning before going to work. YAY!  I figure that even if I have it on lower resistance, it's still better than sitting my toosh on the couch!  And of course getting a decent workout in 5 days a week.  I'm excited!

So how is everyone else doing? Are you gearing up for the holidays? Or letting things go? Let me know!