Holy s***balls moments - Part 1

This is Part 1 because I'm sure there will be other holy s*** ball moments.  There always are. :)


It's all skinny jeans and cute tops until you realize your health is involved.......

Day 8 - Weigh in Day. Are you kidding me?!

I'm trying to remain calm, cool, and collected here. I really am.


I've been really good this week.  Seriously.   Using Daily Plate, I've been following the calorie count to lose 2 pounds per week with my normal lifestyle activity level.  (Not including any exercise.) On top of that, I had 4 days of cardio.  So I should see a bit more than 2 pounds right?  In fact, I figured it out.  I should lose around 2.5 pounds. But I'm shooting for 2 pounds.


I got up this morning and was pretty excited to be honest.  What's that scale going to read??


I climbed out of bed.  Groggily (I'm so not a morning person) made my way into the bathroom.  Did my normal morning business. (You know what I mean.  Everyone makes sure they pee before weighing.)  Pulled off my clothes, because seriously - who wants to see excess poundage from clothing.  Step on the scale.


1.5 *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*in' pounds? Are you kidding me?? I worked that hard for 1.5 freakin' pounds??


*deep breath*


Well, I guess that 1.5 pounds lost is better than 1 pound... or losing nothing... or heaven forbid GAINING.  But man.....  it's hard to shoot for something, think you've got it, and see it fall short.


But I will endeavor to be happy about my 1.5 pounds and not be disappointed. It is, after all, 1.5 pounds less than I weighed last week.  I think I'm going to start tracking my inches so that I know that I'm losing inches even if I don't lose a lot of pounds.


Hope you guys are having a good week!

Day 6 - And the battle against stress eating

DAMN YOU TAXES!!! DAMN YOU!!!!!


*deep breath*  Okay, now that is out of the way....  *clears throat*  I'm sure that when our founding fathers thought "We should have some taxes to pay for government programs" they weren't thinking about little 'ol me 234 years later and the possible effect taxes could have on my diet.  If they were.... shame on you Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and all the rest of you founding parents of our country! 


But the point it, I've been doing well... chugging along on the weight loss path.  I'm feeling good.  And then..... I had my mom's tax person check my return.  And BAM!!!!  What?? What do you mean I have to add this checkmark on my return?  It's going to add HOW much to my taxes owed??  Where's the nearest cookie? Seriously!  I need a cookie.  NOW.  Don't stand between me and my cookie!  If I have to,  I will mainline it.


But really, what is it that makes you want to chow down when things get stressful?? The urge to shove anything (well, anything available anyway) in my mouth was so overwhelming.  However, I did realize what was happening and I ended up having a yogurt and getting on the elliptical for 20 minutes instead. *pats herself on the back* 


I hope that I can continue dealing with the stress in a somewhat healthy manner instead of shoving food in my face!  Cross your fingers for me!  


And if you are betting on if I will cave in or not, put me down for $10 that I'll stick with it.  (I need the money anyway. :)

I'm FREE!! I'm FREE!!! - Day 5

So... the two people who read this might have noticed I haven't been around.  I had been working 14 hour days trying to get my part done for this project at work.  But I'm done!!!!  I'm FREEEEEEEE!!!


*Jules imagines herself running and leaping through a field of wildflowers singing "The Hills are Alive... with the Sound of Muuuuuusssiiiiiic..." while her incredibly good looking, smart, funny, accomplished, and great in bed boyfriend waits for her with diamonds and champagne* 


Dreamworld screeches to a halt when reality raises its ugly head as my dog sitting beside me farts.  Oh life. *sigh* OH! My lungs! They are burning!


Okay, I just had my oxygen feed going to help my lungs after Farty McFartenston Dog tried to kill me by gassing me to death.  He doesn't mean it.... no really, he doesn't really snicker in his little doggie way as I'm gasping for breath and diving through the window screen to get fresh air. He's a good dog.  *cough*  Moving on!


So as I said, my work has been KILLING me lately.  But I am finally done with this project. Just in time to save my sanity.  And good news boys and girls. I actually got off my toosh and started doing something about my weight.  I know! I'm shocked too.  But it definitely feels different this time around - like a part of my life. 


 I decided that I was going to start this journey on April 1st.  (How weird is it that I picked April Fool's Day to start this journey?)  So I'm only on day five, but I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm using Livestrong's Daily Plate to keep track of what I'm eating and counting my calories. And I'm not even cheating!! (You know we all say "Ummm.. it's that many calories? I bet I didn't have a full serving.")


I also started working out on my elliptical too.  My friend, Katie, came to visit a couple of weeks ago, and I'm afraid to say, she used the elliptical more in her 5 days here than I had in a couple of months.  *hangs head in shame* I know!!!  But, I have since corrected this situation.  This is day 3 on the elliptical, but I'm taking tomorrow off.  I do love having an elliptical in my apt so I can watch the tv and no one can see me huffing and puffing.  


Now that I have bored you guys... let me pose a question... When you guys work out, what do you like to watch??  Do you need something action packed, or can you watch the grass grow?


Okay - off to sleepy time!

Karma and the 12-inch stride from hell...

I'm thinking that the universe is trying to tell me something...

Remember how I told you that I got an elliptical trainer?  Works great, except I can't move the stride lengths because the pin mechanism is broken.  I called.  After about 1/2 hour trying to explain that a brand new machine shouldn't be broken, they sent me the replacement parts and had a gentleman *cough* not-so-gentlemanly *uncough* call me to tell me to call him when I get the parts.

Parts came.

One out of three were backordered.

Still haven't gotten the parts, nor have I had my elliptical fixed.

It's karma.  I finally go to do something good and healthy for me, and what happens? It's broken.  Maybe I did something bad and it's the universes way of telling me what a horrible person I am....  Maybe the swearing and yelling at people on the highway to and from work has come back to bite me in the ass. Maybe it's the revelry I had in daydreaming about my ex-graduate adviser waking up with a missing penis, which shouldn't be too bad since it has to be extremely tiny in the first place.  Or maybe it was the wishing that the woman at the store who was incredibly mean to me got her comeuppance for which she had to grovel at my feet and beg my forgiveness.

Whatever it was, it came back and slapped me down!

Okaaaaaaaaay.... so it doesn't mean that I can't use it.  It's set on the 12" stride which works your quads. But let's be honest here.  After about 1 minute on that setting, and my legs are screaming "What the hell?!?!  Nothing for three years and now this??  Have you started doing drugs or something??"  Sadly, no, I can't blame my self torture on drugs of any kind.  And I'm sure that in some strange parallel universe there's the anti-me who is happy to have this problem and is on the elliptical 10 hours a day, happy as a clam. But this is my universe and the elliptical isn't getting much action.

But!  I vow from this moment to stop grumbling at the brokeness of my elliptical, and ignore the complaints of my quads, and get back up and going.  I'll let you know how it goes. :D

Erik Chopin: Confessions of a Reality Show Loser

I am only 8 minutes into this show and felt the overwhelming urge to write a commentary about this show.  

For those of you who don't know, Erik Chopin (Erik Chopin's Webpage) was the Season 3 Biggest Loser winner.  He was awesome - and looked pretty hot, I might add! :)  He weighed in at 407 lbs at the beginning of Biggest Loser and finished at 193 lbs.  

But now he's crept back up to 368.2 lbs.  He recently decided to be up front with his struggle on shows like Oprah and Biggest Loser's "Where are they now?" recap show.

And tonight he was on a short documentary called "Confessions of a Reality Show Loser."  He was really candid about his struggles with weight especially after the show.  I can almost feel what he must be feeling because I, too, thought "I will never put this weight back on again." And where am I? Back to my highest weight ever.


There are a few things that he talked about on a new documentary  that I wanted to cover.

The part that got me frustrated enough to start this commentary was his wife's reaction.  She started crying and saying things like "I can't go through this again." and "I'm sorry. I feel bad for you."  I know that she just wants her husband to be happy. I understand that. I really do.  But some of the things she said made my jaw drop and wince a bit.  I know that she didn't mean it the way it sounded, but if someone said those things to me, it would have made me feel horrible inside.


But I wish she heard what he said when he said that he didn't want to live and she asked why... he said "Cause I can't figure out what else I should be doing on this planet."  And I'm right there with him.  Weight issues are always about something else besides food.  Sometimes it is about not knowing what is really your passion in life, and feeling like you are trapped in a life that you don't really want. (My words, not his.)

 AH HA! I was right.  He had sold his business while doing the promotion with the Biggest Loser.  And when the money he won and the money from endorsements dwindled, he had to find a job, which meant that he ended up working for/with his dad.  This job he says he doesn't hate but....  like I said, there's no passion.  With that came depression.  With depression comes weight gain. Yeah... I don't know anything about that.  Nope. Not a bit. *cough*  *looking for lightning to strike me down* MOVIN' ON!

 Erik's mom is kind of busting his chops about people asking her about him and "Is he keeping the weight off?" etc.  Followed up by "I have a busy schedule, and I find the time."  And the next part??  What did she cook for them? BABY BACK RIBS!! What the hell?!?!  You can not bust him for weight gain and then feed him baby back ribs. Because..... "It's Sunday." and that's a special day so it should be okay. 

Of course, this has had a toll on their marriage.  The intimacy has gone down, which again, I understand. But I also understand that when his wife and his mother tried to approach him about, it "was not well received" and that he did some head biting. Again, been there, done that. 

The counselor just asked him if he could make a commitment to making different choices, and Erik said "I know the right answer, but I also know... it will be so f'ing hard." (He did say eff-ing, not the actual f-word.)  He knows, and I know, that making the healthy decisions makes you feel fantastic. But when you see how many pounds you have to lose, it becomes almost debilitating when you think about it. 

But the biggest part was admitting that you let yourself become like this and actually own up to it.

Okay, going to post this and if there's anything else, I'll come back and edit. Later taters!

Another article: Taming PMS. Can you tame that kind of thing??

So again... was reading an article on Jillian Michaels.com about Five Tips for Taming PMS.  Wait.... how do they know I'm in the midst of PMS??  What do they know??  Do they have cameras in my apartment seeing me fight (and sometimes not successfully) wanting to eat everything in sight? Do they know I'm in the ravages of PMS this very second??  How did they know I needed to know how to tame my PMS??  Maybe they are psychic.......

ANYWAY -- to pass on this helpful advice: here is what they suggest for keeping the big, bad PMS monster away. (Straight from the above link. My comments are in italics.)

1. Exercise! You may not want to, but get in your workout anyway. The endorphin rush will help relieve cramps and raise your levels of serotonin, a mood-lifting neurotransmitter. Damnit... how do they know what I least want to do when PMSing. ha ha  But I do have the elliptical for a reason.  I really shouldn't have gotten it... no excuses now. :)
   
2. Get some R&R. Adequate sleep and less stress will put you in a better hormonal position to handle the physiological imbalance that PMS brings.  Oh sleep...  how I love thee. But being part vampire (i.e. being a night owl who loves to stay up late) makes getting enough sleep kind of hard. But I do love my sleep. And I will find a way!
3. Cut out most alcohol, caffeine, and salt. Alcohol can exacerbate feelings of depression, so steer clear. Reducing caffeine may minimize breast tenderness and irritability, and cutting salt can reduce bloat. Alcohol, salt *gasp*, and... and... CAFFEINE?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *falls to her knees and shakes her fist at the sky* Why hast thou forsaken me?!
4. Minimize simple sugars. Ideally, you're doing this all the time, but it's especially important before your period. Simple sugars may increase inflammation, making cramps worse. Eating regular meals and snacks with fiber and protein will help keep your blood sugar stable, which is a lot better for those raw nerves than blood-sugar swings.  *her hand holding chocolate (100 calorie pack) stops midway to her mouth* *puts it down*  What?? What chocolate? *throws it behind her* I don't see any chocolate.  . . . Crap.. now I have to clean chocolate off of white walls.
   
5. Consider supplements. Calcium may reduce symptoms of PMS, so shoot for at least 1,200 mg a day. Magnesium is also helpful, as are B complex vitamins. To reduce the inflammation of cramps and breast tenderness, try a primrose-oil supplement; it's a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory that may work in ways similar to ibuprofen.  I don't think they make supplements for what I have.  Seriously...

So there you go.  I hope that these tips help you guys as much as it will help me. .... I hope. Later taters!