Birthday food crash! (And helpful tips for the non-20 somethings.)

It's my birthday today!  (10/15) And as such, it is allowable to ... how shall we say? ....  steer away from the straight and narrow of the weight loss path.  Right??

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

I knew you would see it my way.

Now, I am laying on the couch and trying not to think of how full I am.  OH! Supernatural is coming on the tv.  Be back after.

Man... Jensen and Jared. SO yummy.  Okay... sorry.  Where was I before the testosterone made me all drool-y and all?  Oh right... birthday... and how it gives us the excuse to let loose!  Only to dread getting on the scale for the next few days.  But I am now officially closer to 40 than I am 30.  I should be allowed to let loose a little bit. SO THERE!

What??  I AM NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT MY AGE.

No.... I am not.

Am not.

Am not!!

Am NOT!!!!!

AM NOT!!!!!!

Sorry.  I don't know what came over me.   But really, the older you get, the harder it is to loose weight.  Recently I read an article about women's health on Prevention Magazine's website titled Win at Weight Loss How an exercise pioneer fights over-40 fat, and one of the tips given was:

"Many women think if they can't do an hour of exercise every day, they may as well do nothing," says Nelson. [Miriam Nelson, PhD] But you can see results with far less. Nelson should know--that's how she stays healthy: "There are plenty of days that I have just 10 minutes to fit in a walk. At least once during the week, I get in a run or bike ride. Then on the weekend, I exercise a lot more."

 This is a great tip! Especially for those of us who may be able to work out at lunch or right after work, but can't spend 6 hours in the gym.  The article goes on to give cardio schedules for different situations, whether you want to break out of a plateau, or lose some inches, etc. Go read it!  It might give you some ideas.

Okay ... waddling off to fight the food coma now.

P.S.  I may or may not be able to blog in the next few days.  Have tons of work that needs to get done pronto.  See you guys soon!

Biggest Loser 10/13/09

Another Biggest Loser! As I sit my toosh on the couch and watch. lol  Again - long, long post.

Why I am the way I am....

Serious Blog Post Warning!

For the most part, I have been pretty athletic in my life.  I started playing softball when I was around 10.  I played volleyball, but never played for the school team. (Because the coach hated me.  No seriously. She did.)  And I know that when I say this, you will say "What? You geek. That's not athletic!" But I was on the color guard, aka flagline, in marching band.  You may think that it's not athletic, but it really is!

Then in college, I was in Air Force ROTC. (I wanted to be a fighter pilot.) And let me tell you, they don't let you be out of shape.  Really.  Although, according to them, I was overweight.  Yeah... I was a size 8 or 10 at the time, but I was overweight. *sigh*  I also was on the crew (aka rowing) team/club.

But then came the first point in my life that I was truly overweight - when I was in an unhappy marriage.  Yeah.. I know.  It was stupid to get married at age 21.  Some people can do it! I wasn't one of them.  And he was a *BLEEP*.  :D  Then, after the divorce, miracle of miracles!  I lost the weight.  I started watching what I was eating and going to the gym.  It was great!  When I lived in Arizona, I stayed in shape by going to the gym and watching the food intake.  I got involved with Krav Maga (Israeli Self-defense/fighting technique).  Now that was addictive!  I practically lived there. 

But then......  grad school.  Dun dun DUN!!! At first it was okay.  Really, it was.  And then......  the grad student that was my prof's kicking bag was kicked out of grad school by said professor.  And guess who got the crap end of the stick? Oh you guessed it!  ME!  Keep in mind that I can handle hard work.  The work didn't bother me.  Getting abused by my professor did.  It was seriously like an abusive relationship, but instead of being able to say "Kiss my @$$ buddy, there's the door!", I had to take it.  My choices were 1) To give up everything I had worked for since I was 12 years old, but be happy. Or 2) Grit my teeth and push through it all, but be miserable and possibly lose myself in the process.  I chose to stay and get my degree. And I have to be honest.  There are days that I don't know if it was worth it. 

That experience changed me and not in a good way.  Every day, I had questioned whether I was going to get yelled at, never knowing what was going to set him off.  And I'm not talking just yelling. I'm talking the inch away from my face where spit actually hit me, threatening kind of yelling.  Not to mention that there were times I thought I was going to have to physically defend myself.  Then there was the verbal abuse.  Even other professors were shocked at what he would say to me.  (He didn't care if he had an audience or not. After all, what could happen to him?)  It was at a point where if we had one-on-one meetings, I would tape record the conversations just in case something happened, I would have proof.

And that was when I stopped working out and started eating.  I think why I became overweight and why I still remain overweight boils down to a few factors. 1) Being unhappy.  I used to cry all of the time.  It was a miserable place to be in my life, and I still feel traces of it now. 2) Lack of confidence.  I allowed him to destroy any confidence I had in myself.  To the point where I still have trouble speaking up about my professional opinion. 3)  Being overweight gives me a great excuse to not put myself out there and to stay in my comfort zone.  And 4) And probably the most important: He took away any control I had in my life.  That is a very, very scary thing for me.

The problem is, I'm still not over it.  I know I went through all of that for years before I could get out, and that I should realize that it is going to take me a while to work through those issues.  But the fact of the matter is, I have to.  If I want to get control back in my life, I have to work through these issues, grab the reins, and guide myself back on track.

So that's a shortened (Did I really say it was short? HA!) version of why I got to the place that I am.  Now... I just have to confront my demons and push forward.

Really? They had to do a study to know this?

I just read a short article about women's health titled Troubled Minds Can Mean Wider Waistlines that stated... 

"Common mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, may increase a person's risk of obesity, and people with repeated episodes of these disorders are particularly at risk, British researchers say."

 Really?  They needed to do a 19 year study on if depression and anxiety lead to obesity??  I think everyone knows that a large percentage of people  eat when they are sad or anxious.  That's a given fact.  But the good thing that came out of it was that they also found..

"Contrary to some previous research, this new study found little evidence that obesity leads to common mental health disorders in people with no pre-existing mental health problems, wrote Mika Kivimaki, of University College London, and colleagues."

Well, that's definitely good news!

I think that we all should examine what caused us to get to be overweight in the first place.  I read a few blogs (will insert links in an edit) that looked at causes of their being overweight.  And I've decided to bear all (not literally - don't want to make anyone sick!) about what caused me to be overweight in the first place.  Maybe once I confront it head on, I'll be able to move on. Here's hopin'!

Shopping, or as I like to call it, the descent into hell.

You know, I used to love to go shopping.  It was great to walk into work or go out with friends with a new outfit and just feel like you rock!  I literally have a closet full of clothes in my smaller size.  Cute clothes... all lined up, ready to be worn.  I can almost hear them say "Maybe today she will be thin!" Then I open the door, "Nope.  Stand down!  Still the same as always.  Anyone got some cards? We're going to be here for a while."

*sigh*

Shopping now??  I stay away as long as humanly possible.  I could have frayed jeans with holes and everything and still think, "I could get away with that for another week or so." Because let's face it, no one wants to go into a store, grab clothes that they think are their size, only to find out that when you try those jeans on, they won't go past your knees. Or you try to button that blouse and it looks like there are small keyhole openings all the way down the buttoned seam.  It's just too much to take!!

Now when I go shopping, I can be pretty good about picking my sizes so that doesn't happen too much.  But there are a couple of other things that happen when out shopping.  One:  What is it with designers thinking that everyone who is overweight has no sense of fashion?!  I have to say, it has gotten better, but they are still out there!  Is it so much to ask to try to make my boobs not look like two mountains? And to de-accentuate the fact that I have a shelf-ass?  (Def: Shelf-ass.  A type of shape of a person's derriere. In this such case, the shape of the buttocks creates the form of a shelf.  Useful for setting down items, such as drinks, cell phones, or a television remote, in one's possession if no table is around.) And it is always interesting when the store attendants try to tell you that it looks great on you  --- when you know that it doesn't.

Okay, I need to cut this short but let me just say: No matter if I have had bad experiences shopping or good experiences, the fact is that I can't wait to be excited to go shopping again! I want to wear my current cute clothes and go shopping for new ones.  And I can't wait to wear my small jeans again.  

But you have a pretty face... and other wanna be compliments...

I am sure that at some point, all of us have run into those people... you know the ones I'm talking about.  The people who really mean well, who want to give you a compliment.  But it just turns out all wrong. The ones that intend to make you feel better, but make you want to find the nearest gas oven and measure it to see if your head fits in.  There are all types of half compliments, but the one that drive me nuts?

"You have such a pretty face."

Now, I'm aware that people mean this as a great compliment.  But what it really means?

"You're face is pretty, but the rest of you is complete crap."

I swear, if I hear that one more time, I am going to strangle someone.  Or come up with really weird things to compliment like "Those sunglasses make your nose look so much smaller." or "Your new bra really hides the sagginess." or "The jeans you have on today make you have a much smaller muffintop!"  They are compliments! Just in a weird, psychotic, make-you-second-guess-your-appearance kind of way.

My question: Have you had 'compliments' like that? Did you ever say anything about it and if so, what did you say? (And bonus points if the other person responded with 'shock face.')

Biggest Loser 10/6/09

Some people may know this but I am a fan of the Biggest Loser show.  I love seeing people work and reach their goals.  I'm going to start giving my take on the show and what goes on.  I will follow the intro with a jump break so if you don't want spoilers, don't read below.

Caveat: I may forget some names or misspell them. Also, this is going to be one LONG post. Beware!

10 Reasons I Need to Lose Weight

Okay, the question is why? Why do I want to lose weight? So I can buy cute clothes? Of course. In case I run into Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, I want to look hot.  Uh.. YEAH!  But that's not all.  Here are my top ten reasons for wanting to lose weight.

10.  So when I look at pictures, I won't want to bang my head against the desk, throw up, or cry.

9.  Because I want to wear my cute skinny jeans not my big ole bags that are loosely called pants.

8.  I might get asked out on a date??? 

7.  I love the beach.  And I'd prefer not to look like an elephant seal when I go.  Plus, the icky sardines people throw at me smell really bad. 
6.  I love to travel.  But two problems: 1) The size of airplane seats.  And 2) Some of the things I want to do, I can't physically do.  Like hike up a mountain, climb over ruins, grab the cabana boy and......  well.... ummmm..... yeah. 

5.  I miss having the confidence to even walk down the street.  Or just be comfortable in my own skin. Confidence is key and I have none right now. 
4.  I would LOVE to be able to go up the stairs without huffing and puffing all the way up.  And not be able to catch my breath at the top.

3.  Heath factors are definitely high.  If I don't do something, it could lead to type II diabetes, heart problems, etc.  My father had both of those and I tend to follow in his medical trends.

2.  I want to do field work!  In the Mojave, picture my friends on the next dune ahead of me, and Mary Beth at the crest of Kelso Dunes.  Me?  Taking the picture from behind because I couldn't get my fat butt over the next dune.

1.  I currently tend to not want people to see me like this.  I almost let it keep me from seeing one of my best friends at Christmas in 2007.  (And would have if he hadn't been so stubborn.)  That was the last time I saw him, he passed away October of 2008.   I almost kept myself from hanging out with a friend because I was so concerned about my weight.  I don't want that to happen again.

Why you should eat regularly....

You should eat regularly.  If you don't?? This is what happens:

OH YES!

Little for breakfast -- going on three o'clock for lunch.  I was STARVING.  What sounded good??  In-N-Out!  But boy it definitely was good.

Wait -- did I just slide down into that lard again??

The one thing I can't live without....

I have tried to give up this habit before. And once, I made it a whole MONTH without succumbing to its deliciousness.  But the one thing I can not do with out....

My venti iced caramel latte.

Honestly?  I think they may add crack to their coffee.  Or some throw some coca leaves in with the coffee beans to be ground up.  Something highly addictive.... like heroin.  Yup.  Heroin.  There's heroin in Starbucks' coffees.  That must be the reason I can not resist.  

And if I'm having a day I can't wake up?  I'll have TWO in one day!  270 Calories per cup!  Although, you have to cut me some slack.  I used to drink venti ice mocha lattes.  Ummmmmmm..... yeah.... I just looked it up...  A venti iced mocha latte with nonfat milk and no whipped cream is 250 calories.  I thought it was more.  Really.  Here's the kicker... with whipped cream, it increased to 370 calories!!  120 Calories for whipped cream?? No thank you.

I know that if I want to really get serious with this, I have to give up my lattes.  But to be honest, if I do, it's harder for me to stay on track.  But I will attempt it.  Really... I'll try.

There's a whole in my heart where my iced latte used to be...

My world seems so dark now......  

;) My question is: what is the one thing you can NOT give up in your weight loss journey and why?

In the beginning.....

First of all, I need to give credit for the title to two people.  One is my friend Jennie, who thought of the lard pit.  It's so apropos. :)  She rocks!  And let me give credit for the "Fabbity Fab Confessions" part of my title.  It comes from a British young adult series chronically the trying times of teen Georgia Nicholson, of which I read "And That's When it Came off in my Hand: Further Fabbity Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicholson" by Louise Rennison.  (Very funny by the way.)

Because I couldn't say everything I wanted to in the blog description, I'll expand it to what I wanted to say. :)

Yes, we all know how hard weight loss can be.  Kind of like... climbing out of a pit of lard.  I know in my case, lard could give me some great camouflage.  But really, how healthy could it be to live in a lard pit?  And it's bad for your skin too.  It is easy to say "I think I'll get out now.  I don't want get my skin all pruny." But actually doing it - actually climbing out is a whole different story.  In fact, it can be quite torturous.  You start out by getting a good handhold.  Determination sets in your eyes, you get that pursed mouth of single-minded resolve, and you climb those first inches out of the pit.  You're feeling good... but then.... the Evil King of the Fajitas and Chips and Salsa rears his ugly head!  Taunting you... tempting you... reminding you how nice it was in lard-land.  And you slip back down a few inches.  It's so hard to keep a grip!  Lard is, after all, very slippery. NO!  I will not give in to the evil sizzling platter of chicken and peppers!  I will ignore that never-ending basket of salty chip goodness!  Okay.. maybe just one. *slides further* And for every step you take out of the lard pit, you slide a little back.

But the real issue is this. . . why did you dive into the lard pit anyway? (Or slowly, gradually slide into its depths.) What happens when you get out? What will your new reality be?  After all, you really don't have to deal with many people as they don't like wading through the lard pit with you.  You will have to put yourself out there -- once you shower and get the stinky gobs of goo off of you.  (Really - lard doesn't do anything for hair either.   (Very greasy.)  That nice safe comfort zone of lard is gone.  Will you have to actually deal with people then? Oh no... and heaven forbid you go on a date. *gasp* 

But the reward is this:  You will feel amazing.  Powerful. Energetic. And those things that scare you now, won't scare you after.  You just have to keep one foot in front of the other.  No matter what happens, just keep going. (By the way, when I say 'you', I mean me. :) )

And to this purpose, I want to write this blog about my journey into the forays of weight loss.  My successes... and failures. (Trust me, there will be many!) I want to talk about my diet and my exercise.  I want to discuss what is keeping me from jumping back into it, and what it will take to get past it.  I want to document how differently people treat me as an overweight person and how it changes as I lose weight.  So, are we ready?  (And I promise, I'll try to keep the horrible pictures down to a minimum. ha ha)

Jules